Clumsy mending of broken pieces

I think you all read Jim's blogpost 'Broken Pieces'.
I thought about that day and tried to recall it - Jim asked me if I remembered anything 'cause he thought he passed out somewhere down the road after too many beers and whiskey.
No, James. You did not pass out.
But let's begin from the start, right?

It was somewhen in October 2000, around the 15th or 20th as far as I can remember.
The day began fine - a perfect fall day with spider webs glistening in the morning sun, trees boasting off their splendid colors and me looking forward to two days off work.
I was whisteling a tune, percolating coffee and thought about going to the golf course when the phone rang.
"House?", I answered.
"Hello, dear, it's me."
I smiled and poured myself a cup of coffee. "Hey, Stacy!"
I could almost hear her grin. "What was that sound? Coffee? Oh, you don't have to answer. Of course it was coffee, my little junkie!"
"Oh, I confess!", I replied. "You caught me in the act."
She laughed and sighed at the same time. "I told you about the harms of too much coffee, darling."
Glad she could not hear me rolling my eyes I answered: "And I told you about the benefits of coffee, Stacy."
Another sigh. "Right. You are the doctor. I didn't want to talk about coffee anyways."
I sipped said coffee and looked out of the window into the beautiful morning. "About what did you want to talk?"
She hesitated. "Mmm...nothing special."
"So that's the oh so soon end of our conversation?"
Stacy laughed again. "No, not yet. First I'd like to ask you if you'd want to spend the afternoon with me."
"Buy me with a coffee and a dinner and I'm in!"
"I think I can afford this", she said with a soft voice while I watched the neighbor's fat dog fouling another neighbor's lawn.
"Look, I have a client in half an hour. I think I'll be with you around 3 pm, darling. See you then", she continued and I heard her kiss the handset.
"See you then, Stacy", I answered and hung up.

Outside it was beginning to become interesting because neighbor two spotted neighbor one's fat dog now on his lawn relieving himself. He cried something, cussed and grabbed a pitchfork (I always wondered why he had this...) and ran over to Hamish (that was the dog's name).
Hamish for one was so shocked by that sight he vomited out his breakfast on the lawn and took flight.
I watched all this with an amused grin and chuckled into my mug. Good dog...
I took my shopping list, scribbled 'sausage for Hamish' onto it and emptied my mug.
Then I took my key, put on my coat and drove to the mall.

I spent a rather lazy day until Stacy arrived playing the piano, watching TV, reading Indian professional journals and just sitting on my hands.
3 pm sharp the door bell rang and Stacy was outside greeting me with a kiss. "Take your coat and get into my car, darling!", she said and I just obeyed.
She invited me for coffee and fudge cake in a nice and small café and afterwards we had a walk around McCormack Lake, which offered breathtaking views and fresh air.
We talked about this and that, she told me about her client and we were just chit-chatting.
Until she suddenly took my hand.
"Greg?"
"M?"
She smiled at me and kissed me softly. After she had looked into my eyes for some seconds she finally began to talk.
"Hm...Greg...what would you say...I mean...how do you think about marriage?"
I raised an eyebrow. "Marriage? It's a thing people do sooner or later if they love each other and want to spend their lives together."
She nodded. "Exactly."
"That was easy!", I smirked and walked on.
She dropped that and did not mention it again until dinner.

We had dinner at a Spanish restaurant and I was just enjoying a Fino when she began again.
She leaned forward and took my hand.
"So...Gregory...what do you think about engagement?"
I slowly emptied the glass and watched her carefully. "It is the thing people do before getting married."
She sighed. "I didn't ask if you knew what it is. I asked what you think about it."
I began to feel uncomfortable and shrugged. "Well...it's...not too bad. I think it's a fairly nice thing if you want to get married. The smaller promise before the bigger one."
My hand was squeezed and she smiled with sparkling eyes. "Right."
"So...that was it?", I thought and wanted to free my hand and lean back in my chair.
She held my hand and continued. "So...shouldn't we two get engaged?"
Rats! There was it! The dreaded question!
"I'm not sure!", I answered promptly.
She took her and away, leaned back and stared at me.
"You're...not sure?"
I rubbed my chin. "No..."
"But...Greg!"
I shrugged and played with my napkin. "Sorry, Stacy...I'd be biting off more than I can chew with that now..."
"You think it's out of your range?", she asked disbelievingly.
I sighed, shrugged again and looked up into her eyes. "I am sorry...I just...I never thought about that...not yet."
She raised her hand. "Fine, Greg. I won't mention that again. It's your turn now when you thought about it long enough."
Did I want to marry her?
I was really not sure.
It was nice being with her, but would I want to spend the rest of my life with Stacy?
Deep, deep down in my heart there was something else lurking which I did not want to come to light and I denied myself the knowledge of that.
She was pissed off, that could be easily seen.
Her mood seemed to influence the weather because it started to be really rotten outside.

When we left the restaurant the wind was howling down the street, fallen leaves danced in the air and it began to rain.
Arriving at my appartment it was raining heavily and I lit a fire in the fireplace. Stacy had calmed down and we spent a rather pleasant evening talking by the fireside.

I was just searching for a bottle of Aberlour when the door bell rang.
"I'll answer the door, darling", Stacy said and went into the hallway.
With a smile I finally found the bottle and heard her talk to someone at the door.
"Who is it, Stacy?", I asked.
"It is James, darling", she yelled back and my heart made a jump.
James! How nice!

Well...you read it in Jim's post that I sent her home, I suppose.
When I left my bedroom where Jim changed his soaked clothes I switched on the HiFi unit and poured two glasses of Aberlour for us.
"What is this?", Jim asked leaning in the doorframe.
I looked up. "The malt or the music? The malt is Aberlour and the music are the Tindersticks."
I handed him his glass and heard him murmur "Sounds great..."
Inwardly I agreed and raised my glass. "Slaìnte!"

We flung ourselves onto my couch and while having several beers James told me the whole story. Thin-mouthed and needle-eyed Karen betraying him with her French teacher, he seeking comfort in the arms of a young nurse ending up in bed with her, Karen kicking him out, he stranding here.
"So Jimmy, how do you feel now?", I asked and looked deep into his eyes.
"Like my world just got a bigger crack though" he mumbled.
"Hmmm... So what now? Divorce?" I said and poured another drink.
"I dunno, Greg, I dunno."
He really seemed devastated.
I sipped my malt. "Perhaps I should think about that marriage thing again though."
A cough made me look up to Jim again who nearly spat out his malt.
"The what?!"
"The marriage thing", I answered and met his eyes.
How would he react if I told him Stacy and me got engaged? Of course it was a lie, but how would he react?
"What marriage thing?", he asked me with a constrained voice.
I sat back, played with my glass and watched him carefully.
"Well, we just got engaged today."
Jim blinked and stammered "To...to..today? Engaged?!!"
"Shocked?"
He definitely looked shocked. And this somehow made me feel brilliant. I just didn't know why.
"Shocked?", he repeated after quite a while. "No ...yes ... no ... I mean" he took a deep breath "I ... geez, TODAY?"
I still watched him and nodded.
"Today and you sent her away? I should go now..." he stammered and got ready to leave.

Blame it on the amount of alcohol I had.
Blame it on his reaction.
Blame it on that thing lurking deep, deep down in my heart and creeping up to light now.
Blame it on whatever you like.
I can't think what came over me.
I don't know why I did what I did.

I softly pushed him back onto the couch and leaned over him.
"I think you won't go anywhere now, Jimmy", I murmured and looked deep into those brown eyes with amber and golden sparkles.
James gazed back, blinked and sighed.
I slightly lowered my head keeping his gaze and his eyes fluttered shut.
For some seconds I hesitated and tried to settle my racing thoughts. I failed when I felt his breath on my lips and his warmth so close to me.
So I gave in and slightly and shyly put my lips on his.
He did not shy away but sighed again.
This encouraged me a lot and I started to kiss him tenderly.
Oh...I can't describe how that felt. My stomach made backflips, I felt the blood rush through my veins, my heart started to slop over and I wrapped my arms around him.
I hardly noticed that he embraced me and suddenly it came to my mind he returned the kiss. In fact I felt the tip of his tongue open my lips and deepened the kiss.
I think I uttered a moan and we parted and stared into each other's eyes.
"Greg...", Jim whispered but I put my finger on his lips.

I did not want to hear that this wasn't right.
I did not want to hear that we should stop.
I did not want to hear he wanted to leave.

"Shh", I said, bent down to kiss him again and nearly fainted when I felt his hands slipping underneath my shirt.
"Oh...okay...maybe he wanted to tell you something else?", was the last clear thought I had.
The night passed by with the sound of rustling clothes, sighs, murmured names and kissing.

When we woke up the other morning we still lay on the couch and it was obvious Jim thought we just got drunk and fell asleep there. So I put that memory aside and...well...managed to 'forget' about it until Jim mentioned that day again.