Clinic duty at its best

Good Lord!
You just can't imagine how weird clinic duty can be sometimes.
Of course I hate it.
Those days are dreaded and I always try to avoid it somehow by all means.
Hiding, lying, sneaking out, everything.

Well...today it started all the same.
I knew I had clinic duty until evening and tried to hide in Jim's office.
Of course Cuddy caught me there.
With a deep sigh I crawled out from underneath Jim's desk and went to exam room 8. The only thing lifting my spirits today was the fact that it was the last week of Foreman's and Chase's three weeks vacation.
Dr. Mason and Dr. Johnson, their three-weeks deputyship, are a pain in the ass. They seem to be scared of me and avoid me whenever and whereever they get the chance to. Besides that they are what a talented photographer I know from deviantArt (Mr. Burnside) calls 'dumber than a box of rocks'.
Well...I call them dumber than a slice of toast though and I am damn sure they already heard that. But it's nothing but the truth. If you have urgent testings to be done - never ever ask them.

I don't know if they fail because they are so scared of me or if they are really just dumb and stupid morons. And you know what?
I am not interested in it. I don't care.
They do not have to like me or even like working for me.
No one does.
They are just supposed to do their work properly!

But back to clinic duty.
It was in the late afternoon when a guy came in.
The first thing I noticed was his odd walk. Then there was a strange smell I could not associate.
"I...have a problem", he said when he stood in front of me.
I sniffed and answered "That's obvious" instead of greeting him.
He blushed crimson red, swallowed and nodded.
That was it for the next few minutes. He neither moved nor spoke and just stared down at his shoes.
In the meantime I sat back in my chair and played with my cane.
Ten minutes later I looked up at him.
"So...anything else? Or did you just want to tell me you have a problem? At 6th floor they have excellent conversational therapy groups..."
Odd-walk-guy shook his head.
"N-no...I..." he sighed. "Okay!" With these words he took his trousers and underwear off and turned around.
The smell got worse and I wrinkled my nose but could not see anything unusual.
"Well...you should go and have a shower. But as far as I can see your ass looks perfectly normal", I told him.
"Oh!", he said and bent forward.
What could be seen then made me stare at it a couple of minutes.
I tried to force down the laughter that wanted to errupt out of my mouth and blinked a few times.
There was fishtail sticking out of his ass and now it was my turn to bend forward and examine it closer.

"Now...don't tell me you fell on it", I smirked.
"I...yes...I did. It was frozen, you know?"
"Keyword: was!"
The poor guy nodded. Little pervert...
"So...it unfolded a slightly sharp fin now it's in its new aggregate state?"
Little pervert nodded again. "Y-yes...and now I can't get it out."
"Oh, you sissy!", I exclaimed. "You shove a frozen pike into your ass and now you are too girly to get it out?"
"I...I..."
I took the fishtail and pulled the pike out quickly.
"Ouuuuuuuuuuch!!!!", little pervert whined.
"Ah, shut up!", I hissed and put the pike, which now looked slighty odd (to put it into polite words), in a plastic bag.
Pike-in-the-ass-guy turned around with a very weird facial expression.
"I...I am not...gay, if you think that now..."
I raised my hands and looked at him with biiig eyes.
"Noooooo! Of course not! You just like...pikes in your ass. That's a lot better than being gay."
With these words I handed him the bag with the wrecked fish in it.
"Maybe you need it for your next barbeque", I sniggered and he fled out of exam room 8 without any goodbye or thank you.

I was not granted to ponder about this for long.
My next patient was a boy wearing a Spiderman costume. He was accompanied by his mom and his arm stuck out in an odd angle.
"Oh my Goodness! It's Spiderman himself!", I gasped and covered my mouth with my hand.
His mother nodded to me and shook hands. "Hamdon. This is Chris."
I grinned at the boy. "Now, Chris Hamdon...this is an obvious fraction of your arm. Want to tell me what happened?"
Spiderman took off his mask and I saw a totally smeared face. Dust and tears I suppose.
He told me he jumped off the roof and thought he could abseil like Spiderman.
I had to think about that for a while.
"You mean business?"
"It's his costume!", Chris answered with a slightly offended facial expression.
I turned to Mrs. Hamdon. "How old is your son?"
"He just turned nine", she told me.
"Okay, Peter Parker!", I addressed the boy. "You are nine years old and think you could abseil like Spiderman from a building just because you are wearing that costume?!"
Not-really-Peter-Parker nodded.
I sighed. "Mrs. Parker...um...Hamdon...go and check your family history for mental aberrations..."
Oh, I hope she won't sue me.

When I came home Jim was already there and I smelled some gorgeous food.
"Darling?", he yelled out of the kitchen when he heard the door.
I limped to the kitchen door and smiled at him. "Back home finally!", I sighed and he kissed my cheek.
"Just in time", he grinned and set the table.

After that wonderful dinner I wanted to help him doing the dishes but he refused.
"That can wait until tomorrow, babes", he whispered into my ear and kissed me fondly.
"Whooooohoooooo!", I thought but he went into the bathroom and rummaged around there.
A few minutes later he called me.
I raised an eyebrow and followed his voice. "Hun?"
I peeped around the corner and saw the bathroom lit by candlelight and a very inviting bathtub.
Jim embraced me and caressed my back. "For you, my luv..."
I did not really know what to say and believe me - the bath was wonderful. He fondled my hair while I lay in the tub, amassed my shoulders...

Afterwards I hobbled into the bedroom and wanted to search some new clothes for the evening. I stopped at the door and just stared for a while.
Candles everywhere!
It looked wonderful.
I was embraced from behind and Jim kissed my neck. "You smell like roses..."
I had not much time to answer, he softly pushed me to the bed and made me melt through the slatted frame for the next four hours.

Such a wonderful evening!