Monday Monday

Mood: crappy
Listening to: It's all over - Three Doors Down

I'm feeling crappy.
It's cold outside and gray, the trees are losing their leaves all over sudden and it's windy. The sky is gray, the streets are wet and gray and I'm moody, sad, anxious and...hm...pissed (?).

We started early today at 8:30 am. Well, early for me.
James insisted we had to 'cause we'll be leaving early tomorrow.
So I started with the new scan Foreman provided and came to the decision that it was cancer and the guy really had Zollinger-Ellison.

Then I mad my way to Cuddy's office, trying to avoid all those "Is that really true???"-askers crossing my way. This was so annoying! We talked to Foreman on Saturday evening and he told us that everyone at PPTH knows we're going to get married and that the ducklings were ambushed every once in a while by nosy colleagues. You can imagine I was pissed.
"Cuddy told Stacy, Stacy told a nurse, that nurse told it to a friend and so on", Foreman stated.
"Niccccceeee", I hissed. "I think I'll have a bone to pick with Cuddy when we're back."
James looked uncomfortable and we both imagined one half of PPTH ambushing me, the other half him.

As it still was early no one knocked at my door 'cause they all thought I was still at home. But the way to Lisa's office resembled a gauntlet and I grunted more than one curse. Dr. Leroy grabbed my arm when I tried to hobble out of his way and ignore him.
"Dr. House! Please....just a second!"
I rolled my eyes.
"WHAT?!"
He smiled at me. "Is that true? You're going to be married?"
I sighed. "Yes. Could you mind your own business now?"
He totally ignored that. "To Dr. Wilson???"
I nodded and he clapped his hands once. "HAH! I knew it! I always thought there was something going on between you two!"
"Interesting...", I mumbled and limped ahead.
He followed me. "Why on earth was he married three times to women?"
"Why on earth don't you just mind your own business?", I snapped and left him behind.

GOD, I hate it! And he wasn't the only one. I was asked by several people who otherwise seldom dared to approach me.
So I was really enraged when I entered Cuddy's office without knocking and pushing away her clerk.
"You blabber!", I yelled and let my fist stomp her desk.
She startled.
"Dr. House, are you mad?"
I gritted my teeth. "Not me...but the whole staff here is."
"What are you talking about?"
"Every single moron working here knows that James and I will be married next month!"
"Ah..."
"Ah! Yes! And just because you couldn't keep your trap shut!"
She blushed. "I'm sorry...I didn't think that through..."
"That costs you 3 weeks of clinic duty!"
"HOUSE!"
Without another word I left the office and glared at anyone who seemed to ponder asking me something. On my way back I spotted three nurses comforting another who was sobbing.
"But...aaaaaaaw, he's sooooo nice and I always thought he's straight..."
Yay, another one regretting Dr. Wilson wasn't fair game anymore...

I let myself drop into my chair and sipped on my coffe when there was a knock at the door.
"Hm?" I grunted.
It was Debbie. "Here's mail for you, Dr. House. And congrats!"
I just nodded and grabbed the envelope.
The handwriting was somehow familiar and I frowned. Included was a postcard and I thought for a second how dumb one must be to send a postcard in an envelope when I saw that the card was addressed to James.
It read:
Dear James,
thank you so much for this wonderful night.
I hope we will repeat this soon!
I snorted. Nice try, Allenby! Still eager to drive a wedge between us. I tore the card into little peaces and discarded them. I'd better keep this to myself, why bother James with such crap?

Five minutes later there was another knock and Debbie showed up again. "Sorry...forgot about this one!" She handed me another postcard and I thanked her with a nod.
It was a postcard from Canada and it was misleaded to me 'cause it was addressed to James.
Hey Jim!

I'm spending a few days at the Canadian Rockies.
Awesome here.
Read about your future plans in your blog.
You're sure you want to marry that nutbar? *g*

Daniel

P.S.: Remember our kiss?
Maybe we should meet before you get married.

I stared at the card. I knew he does not like me and calls me a nutbar and I wasn't pissed about that. What made me frown was the postscriptum.
Well, Jim told me about that kiss Saturday evening. It was years ago and resulted from a daft partygame. We had a severe brawl about it until he admitted it was just because of that daft game where you have to tell the truth or do something awful.
He chose doing something awful and had to kiss his fellow student Daniel.
I felt so foolish when he said that and so ashamed I went postal because of such peanuts.

And now? All over sudden I felt shitty.
I tried to tell myself it was a bad joke, just his manner.
But why didn't he send the card to our home?
He surely didn't want me to see it.
Was there more to it?
Did James lie to me?
I blinked and swallowed.
An awful wave of anxiety, suspiciousness, sadness and disappointment rushed over me and nearly swept me from my feet. I clung to my desk and tried to think properly.
Shook my head a few times, looked outside and tried to get rid of that gnawing feeling.
My leg began to hurt and I popped three pills.

Why?
What on earth did he imply with that?
A sudden nausea and a feeling of desolation came over me and I tried to fight down the sobbing.
I gazed into space and felt hollow.
I don't know how long I sat there like that when Cameron knocked at the door.
"Hm?", I answered and she came in.
"I just wanted to ask you about Mr...God, House! Is everything okay with you?"
I looked up and just stared at her.
"Do you hear me? Is everything okay?"
I swallowed. "Would you please drive me home?"
Cameron looked blank. "Um...yes....of course...."
I nodded and stood up with an effort. She supported my arm and seemed surprised I didn't sway her away.
"Are you ill?"
"I just...feel sick..."
We went to the underground garage where her car was and she promised to tell Cuddy.
"It is good you didn't want to drive yourself", she said.
I shrugged. "Well, I don't know if I come back to hospital, so James will need a car in the afternoon..."
We turned into my street and she stopped at my door. "Does he know you're not feeling well?", she asked me.
I shook my head. "No. Just hand him the car keys", I answered.
Then I saw the postcard I was still clutching. "Uh...and this...it was misleaded to me..."
She nodded and I walked to the door, lifted my hand and went inside.

Here I am now....still gazing into thin air and feeling crappy. My leg hurts like hell and I took too much Vicodin. I tried to banish the hollowness with a few Scotch but my thoughts are still circling.
I think I'll have a nap now. Just curl up in bed, forget about everything for an hour or so and then return to PPTH. Maybe Foreman will pick me up here.