Thursday, May 31, 2007

How to survive a traffic jam and keep cool

It was the Friday before Memorial Day.
Jim and me had to work on Monday but we spent the weekend at Point Pleasant as he already told you in his blog.
We should have known better.

3 p.m. sharp we left PPTH, I whisteled a tune and was more than happy and contented. The thought of spending a cuddly weekend with my honeybun in our cottage lifted my spirits miles high and we both were in an extremely good mood.
The trunk was already packed with Single Malt, wine, stout, delicacies and our small baggage for the weekend.

As soon as we reached the highway we knew it was a fault to choose this weekend for Point Pleasant.
Whole fucking New Jersey was on their way into a loooooong weekend and we've been stuck in a traffic jam for 3 hours.
3 painful and boring hours surrounded by complete idiots and passing by construction sites with lazy workers sunbathing their bellies.
3 hours with only one Vicodin left in the glass I had in my pocket - the new one was buried somewhere in the trunk.
3 hours unnerving poor Jim, 3 hours trying to bear the pain in my leg and not to yell at the dweeb who blew the horn all the time.

Somewhere down the road I thought my brain would just explode if I'd not distract myself. All over sudden I was as meek as a lamb and was determined to have fun now. People around were odd enough for my purpose and I began to study them.
"Greg?", a worried voice from the drivers seat asked.
I turned my head. "Jim?"
"A...are you okay?"
I blinked. "Yes...Why?"
"You stopped complaining and glaring all over sudden...I thought...well...you might suffer from a migraine now or something."
I smiled at him and leaned back in my seat. "I just decided this is not worth complaining. You know that saying? God grant me the serenity to accept things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference?"
Jim nodded and sighed at the sight of the solid line of cars. "Of course..."
"Well...", I shrugged, "this is a thing I cannot change, right?"
With a side glance he nodded again. "Spooky....", he mumbled. "A calm House in a traffic jam..."

While studying the fellow traffic jammers around us I scribbled down this list.

How to survive a traffic jam
Recommended by all the loonies around


  • Blow the horn whenever you get the chance to

  • Yell at everyone around you and flip them the bird

  • Listen to an old Manowar CD as loud as your car speakers allow

  • Bite the steering wheel

  • Curse incessantly

  • Glare at everyone who looks into your car as if they were responsible for the traffic jam

  • Search for old candy underneath your seat and toss it at the workers

  • Hit the steering wheel, kick the door and freak out totally

  • Scold your passenger


  • How to keep up that brilliant mood after your favorite traffic jam
  • In defiance drive the complete rest of your journey in the bottom gear

  • Listen to a CD with construction site noise

  • Keep bad-mouthing your passenger

  • Don't stop glaring and flipping the bird

  • Deposit candy underneath your seats for the next road works you'll pass by


  • Well...at least I was quite relaxed when we escaped the solid line of cars.

    7 Comments:

    Blogger Dr. James Wilson said...

    Oh you make fun of me somehow - that is not nice ...

    But I have to admit - if not standing in a jam ...this list just makes you laugh!

    May 31, 2007  
    Blogger Dr. Gregory House said...

    Fun of you, darling?
    But no.

    June 01, 2007  
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