Dumbfounded

I am lost for words.
I really don't know what to think or feel now.
I'm numb, I suppose.
Too numb to be sad or even angry.

It was around 4 in the afternoon when a strange e-mail was misled to me. I did not notice that it was addressed to James and read it.
Well....it contained a very interesting conversation between James and some other guy via some sort of messenger.
All over sudden my heart was in my mouth and I stared at the screen.
This could not be true.
This can't be true!
But there it was. I read it again and felt more than sick.

I told Cuddy I was ill - she did not doubt me for a second. I think I looked really crappy. Then I took a cab home, packed a few things and now I'm in some hotel room.

I won't stand for that!
No way - I'm no Susan, Bonnie or Julie.
That's all I know for now.
And that I feel sick and ... hmmm ... I don't know how to describe it.
Lost?
Yes, maybe lost.
I think I'll have a single malt now and then try to find some sleep.