Wednesday, January 10, 2007

At work again - drowsy, with a headeache and earaches

Mood: as you can tell from the headline it's excellent!
Weather: clear, 40 °F
Drinking: black coffee with sugar
Eating: Reuben sandwich (after removing the dreadful pickles)
Listening to: Paint it Black - The Rolling Stones


The world just loves me.
Really.
My boss loves me,
my colleagues love me,
my physical condition loves me.

I am still somehow recovering from the anaphylactic shock I had and in addition to that I have an otitis media caused by the common cold. Doesn't that sound great? Foreman signed me off work yesterday evening for the rest of the week and prescribed antibiotics, but Cuddy saw me walking out, grabbed the sick note and tore it to pieces.
"If you are able to limp out of here that quickly I am sure you'll be able to fulfill your duties tomorrow and the rest of the week", she said, turned on her heels and left me speechless. I feel really sick and no one seems to believe me (except of course James. And Foreman!) which is utterly annoying. I don't fake anything and it's just unfair to treat me like this after the anaphylaxis. I mean, an anaphylactic shock is a life-threatening medical emergency, and I am treated like a dull child!
I got epinephrine and I don't know yet if I needed rescue breathing, no one told me about it. Well...James came in when I fainted, so if I needed I hope it was him who did so.
When I awoke I was in a sickbed, James sitting at my side holding my hand. First I had no clue what happened but then I cursed.
"Damn cashews..."
"There you are again, my love", James said and sounded incredibly relieved. He bent down to me and kissed me softly. "Please don't do that again, dear. Never ever."
He sighed and caressed my cheek. I was still feeling shitty but tried to smile.
"Well...if I had known there are cashews in that cookies I would not have eaten them..."
"I know, pancake", Jim smiled and I grinned at the pet name. Leaning back I closed my eyes again. Everything was still blurry and dizzy.
James raised a bottle of water. "You should drink now and then sleep again to recover", he said and I took the bottle. Just then I realized how thirsty I was and emptied the bottle in a few minutes. I dozed off again and James kissed me goodbye to leave for his office.
Later he brought me my laptop as I told you Friday already. You can imagine how upset I was when Chase did not allow me to go home. He was so bitchy and snapped at me the whole time. He wasn't able to address me properly and I just didn't know why he was so pissed off at me. After some minutes of bickering he rushed out of the room with the words "Stop behaving like a sulky child, House!!!"
He had a headache, I thought, but this was no excuse for his behavior. Foreman just leaned on the wall and looked up at the ceiling. After Chase left he told me "James would kill him if he'd let you leave and something happened to you. You know that." I shrugged. "But James could take me home. Damn! He's a doctor! There is no need to keep me here!"
Foreman let out a deep sigh. "House, we'll have to wait for James and just ask him, okay?" He then followed Chase and for a while I was alone and got really angry. I hated this room and I already missed James like hell. All I wanted was to go home and recover there having him around me.
What happened when Chase and Foreman returned can be read in Chase's blog. I'm still not sure what it was. Respiratory arrest maybe? (Respiratory arrest is the cessation of the normal tidal flow of the lungs due to paralysis of the diaphragm, collapse of the lung or any number of respiratory failures.) I was totally useless as I suffered from some late anaphylaxis again - okaaaaay, maybe it was not that bad I had to stay there. I only know that Dr. Marks came in and took care of me whilst Foreman was treating Chase.

My remembrance is a bit distorted and blurred and I only know I was really pissed off when I found out Saturday morning I had to share my room with Chase. I don't know why this upset me so much - maybe due to the medication I got. I really behaved odd that weekend I think and I missed Jim so much I can't couch it in terms. It felt as if one half of me was missing, I felt so damn incomplete and was so longing for him. This even made me namby-pamby from time to time and must have appeared really strange to Foreman and Chase. Worst was that I had no clue where he was and felt totally abandoned. (Now I know he was at Point Pleasant and thought I was at home by then. He couldn't know I was supposed to stay for the weekend because of that crappy otitis media.)
Foreman was a bit odd, too and I think he just missed Chase. Of course he was here with him but it was not the same as having him at home. Besides that Chase was nearly unable to talk.
As far as I remember I had a new anaphylaxis after lunch because no one told me there were cashews in the pasta I had. So it was the same procedure with the epinephrine again and no thought of going home in the evening.

I was devastated and the medication made me all sentimental. Even without such meds I'm a handful but this must have been hell for my fellow doctors. I continued complaining and griping until late at night resp. early morn' and almost drove Foreman insane. He was in no good condition himself and suddenly turned to me. "Why do you feel abandoned, House?"
I blinked and stared at him. "Huh?"
"You keep complaining, so what's really wrong?" He sat down at my bed and waited for an answer.
"I...I...um...I miss Jim", I said. "I feel all alone, shitty and I want to go home. I don't want to be here - I can as well cure at home."
"What do you think how I feel?", Foreman asked and looked at me slightly aggravated. "I'm tired, Chase is severely ill and I have a headache."
"It's always the others!", I exclaimed. "Other people are always more important than me! Other people's feelings are always more important than mine!"
I don't know why I said that. As I told you...must have been the medication.
Foreman just shook his head and arose again. "Yeah...and I didn't listen to you, right?"
He saw the glance I gave Chase and came back to me. "And by the way I think you are still afraid of Chase!"
"Bullshit!", I snapped but maybe he was right. It was a scary thought to spend the night in the same room with him because I still had in mind what he told me that damn fucking evening at Hemingway's.
"Do you like your father, House?", Foreman suddenly asked me and I looked blank for a while.
"Well....I think I now like him but it took him 47 years to tell me he loves me and he's proud of me."
"And before that?"
I shrugged. "I think he just ignored me. I was not important and was always considered a basket case. Nothing I did was ever good enough and I could never meet his high moral standards."
Foreman considered me attentively and nodded. "You hide behind your ego not to be hurt, House."
"I don't hide!", I gnarled but he just nodded again.
"Yes, you do. And you don't want anyone except your husband to see the vulnerable and nice person inside of you."
"Didn't you belong to those who told me my ego had the size of a small planet?!", I asked and rolled my eyes. This was getting too close for me and I did not want to let this go any further.
"You are unquestionably brilliant, but your ego has the size of a pea and you try to inflate it with sarcasm and by playing the untouchable."
Chase and me stared at Foreman and I was unable to say anything. In any other situation I would have yelled at him or even hit his shins with my cane, but not now. I was sick and drowsy and on new meds, so I just bit my tongue.
"But this, House, makes you likeable and I highly respect you", he closed his therapy lesson and grinned at me.
I just foolishly grinned back and then mumbled "But I still miss him..."
"Try to get some sleep", Foreman said and as soon as my head met the cushion I was sound asleep.

4 Comments:

Blogger Dr. James Wilson said...

Oh my little pancake! Why ...why did no one call me? I left Cuddy and Cameron a message as I couldn't reach Chase or Foreman!

Crap!

January 10, 2007  
Blogger Dr. Gregory House said...

Maybe they didn't read it.

January 10, 2007  
Blogger Dr. James Wilson said...

On the answering machine and a message to their cell phones?

C'mon!

January 10, 2007  
Blogger Dr. Gregory House said...

Maybe they just didn't want to tell you...
Who knows. I don't really understand them.

January 11, 2007  

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