Feeling sorry

Mood: slightly grumpy - don't know why; maybe because I'm sorry
Weather: sunny and pleasant
Eating: marshmallows
Drinking: coffee
Listening to: Sitting on a fence - The Housemartins

Gee, I'm such a nerd for British music!
Do you know the Housemartins?
I love their music.
Aaaand I already phoned my dad for father's day. Jim reminded me of it.

But, well, that's not what I wanted to tell here.
I still feel sorry for leaving Jim at the London airport.
As you might have read on his blog...
Well...let me just tell you.

We spent some very pleasant days in London and I was able to show Jim around a bit - although I lived there as a child I still remembered some places. Some remembrances were quite unpleasant but I managed to cast them aside and just enjoy my time with him there.
I think the most wonderful day was the one we spent in Canterbury - one day before my birthday. It is such a lovely town and history is lurking at every corner. Such a pity we could not visit the Cathedral though - a meeting of the "Cathedral friends" held place there and I was not able to shake hands with Thomas Becket.
In the evening, we celebrated into my birthday at some nice London pub. Aaaah....so wonderful.
Monday, cuddling and other nice things ruled the day. But yes, we spent a few hours outside as well and I annoyed Jim in a supermarket, I think. Well...or embarassed him to be more precise, when I yelled "May I ride in the grocery cart? Pleeeeeeeeze?"
"You're a bit too old for such things, don't you think?", Jim replied.
"Ah, pleeeeeeze! I want!"
"No!"
I let myself drop to the floor and stomped my cane to the ground whining "Pleeeeeeeeze!"
Jim blushed crimson red, kicked me softly and hissed "Get to your feet, for God's sake! This is embarassing! Heck! Are you high?!"
I looked up at him with watering eyes. "Please?"
"Get UP!!!"
A snivel and then a snigger and a broad grin later I got to my feet and walked through the supermarket as if nothing ever happened. Some people certainly stared at me, but so what? I had my fun.
When we got outside Jim nudged my side and hissed again silently "Don't you ever do a thing like that again, Gregory!"
"Okay", I said and crossed my fingers behind my back.
"You crossed your fingers!"
"No", I said and managed to cross my toes in my sneakers.
Jim looked at me with narrowed eyes and then slowly nodded. "Okay..."
I smiled at him as sweet as I could and was very pleased to get a sweet smile back.

Yes, London was wonderful.
Until we reached Heathrow to get our flight back.
We arrived in time, I was annoyed by the crowd and the lack of coffee and just wanted to check in as fast as we could. Kicking a few travellers out of my way with my cane we made our way to the desk.
A few minutes later I felt the anger rise when the lady behind the desk murmured a blushed "Ehm, there must be a mistake, Sirs..."
I took a deep breath. "What mistake?"
She looked at the screen of her computer. "Hm, it seems that we have a booking problem here, Sir."
Closing my eyes for a few seconds I forced myself to ask very calm "Can you explain that?!"
Jim obviously felt that I was close to exploding and put his hand on my back.
"So, what kind of booking problem are you talking about, M'am?", he asked her with a kind smile.
She looked up at him. "Mr. Wilson?"
Oooooh, a clairvoyant!, I thought with a bleak smile.
Jim nodded.
"See, the flight is overbooked and I am very sorry to tell you that there is only one seat left!", she simpered at him and gave me a worried side glance.

I breathed in and out, held myself back not to strangle her and just straightened up.
Jim rubbed his neck in his typically gesture and stared at her. "I beg your pardon? We booked the flight and we have the confirmation here at hand."
He waved with the fucking useless sheet of paper and she shortly glanced at it.
"We are really sorry, but we can't change it.", she then said. "There is just one seat left and that is only for emergency cases. Is your flight back an emergency? Or could we offer you the next flight to New York?"
I heard Jim sigh deeply and interrupted him before he could say anything else.
"My flight back is an emergency!", I said and stared into her eyes.
"Oh, really?", she answered and looked concerned. "What kind of emergency?"
I straightened up again and put on a condescending smile. "A medical emergency. I have to get back to Princeton as soon as possible or my patient will die and leave three poor children without their mother."
She looked worried and blank. "Oh...and...just you can help there?"
I narrowed my eyes. "Of course just me! I'm the best doctor there and do not want to leave her in the hands of complete morons!"
From the corner of my eyes I noticed Jim staring at me with his jaw slightly dropped but ignored that. He'd get a flight back, too, soon. Of that I was convinced.
My only thought was for the two left over Vicodin and that I needed a new bottle of pills really damn soon.
She picked up the phone and a few minutes later I held my ticket in my hand and put it into my pocket.
"You...you...", Jim stammered and looked at me openmouthed.
I winked at him and left the desk waiting for Jim in the hall.

Fifteen minutes later he joined me there.
"I really can't believe that!", he muttered and pointed at me.
"He's so sweet when he's upset", I thought and just watched him go on.
"YOU! You really leave me alone here on that airport! Why is it an emergency, huh?", he continued with a now raised voice.
I raised an eyebrow and smirked at him. "Because I wanted to go home", I replied and withdrew the nearly empty bottle of Vicodin from my coat pocket. "And because this is nearly empty."
Jim stared at me with a blank expression on his face. "You leave me here - just because you need your PILLS?!", he exclaimed shaking his head.
I shrugged. "It is an emergency, isn't it?"
"I can't believe that ... you are ... you ... this is in fact unbelievable!", Jim stammered and went crimson and then pale again.
"Aw c'mon, I am sure you will enjoy that bit you have to spend here. When is the next flight, hm? Two hours or so?", I asked and patted his arm.
"TEN!!!", he grunted and I had that oooooops-feeling.
I swallowed and looked at him. "Oh ... hmm... ten, huh?"
"Yes...ten HOURS!"
I was really sorry now. But I could not change it anymore. So I twirled my cane a bit ashamed and looked at the ceiling for some seconds.
"Would it help you now if I'd say sorry?", I asked and gave him a side glance 'cause I did not dare to look into his eyes then.
"Only if you would mean it!" he answered back and shook his head again.
"I still can't get it ... you just do that because you are in need of your pills, right?!"

Yes, I did that because of my pills. But he could not imagine how it was to be left without them.
"You are upset now" I said and started to move towards the boarding area.
"Of course I am upset" he muttered and followed me.
"Greg", he then whispered and grabbed my arm.
I turned and looked at him feeling more than unsure and uncomfortable.
"Greg...", he repeated and looked deep into my eyes.
That look made my knees almost turn to jelly and I started to speak again.
"Jimmy... I am sorry, okay! I'll pick you up and I'll be so looking forward. Flight will be hell without you", I whispered.
"Flight will be a hell for all the other passengers!" , he whispered back and I winked at him.
Very relieved that I received a wink back I looked at my watch. "Still some time left - and I don't want to leave you here like that", I sighed and looked around.
"Why leaving me anyway?", Jim answered and I inwardly sighed again. He really had no clue how it was to be dependent on those damn little pills and how you panick when you know you'll be in dire pain without them. I just knew I would not be able to stand a flight back to New York without my Vicodin and felt ashamed at the same time.
"Because ..." I started, stopped and stomped my cane on the floor "ah - sod it! You won't believe me anyway ..."
Suddenly I drew him close and kissed him deeply - surrounded by all those other travellers. I did not give a shit to them and just wanted to feel him close to me.
I think at first I flummoxed him and drew him even closer. Then I felt him fall into the kiss and was almost swept from my feet.
Some minutes later I broke the kiss. "I'll better go now - otherwise we two won't leave England but be thrown into the Tower, I suppose", I said with a bashful grin and cleared my throat.
Jim was still nonplussed and just nodded with slightly dilated eyes.
I watched him comb through his hair with his left hand and nodded. "See you in a few hours then."
I left and made my way to the boarding area.
"You ...", he began and I turned around just to see him rolling his eyes to the ceiling and waving aside.
"I am UNBELIEVABLE", I finished his sentence with a goofy grin and was glad to see a smile appear on his face.

A short time later I was on board of my plane back to the USA and stuffed my bag into the locker. I still had a guilty conscience somehow but settled in my seat and made myself comfortable at the window. He'd understand, I told myself. I needed my pills, that was true. And I could not change the fact he had to wait ten hours for the next flight.
I fumbled for my iPod and sighed deeply when a man in an expensive looking Armani suit sat down next to me. Okay...I should have expected that, I had the last free seat here.
"Hey", he said and smiled at me. "I'm Vince!"
I ignored his hand and just nodded, grunted and leaned back closing my eyes.
He stuffed his things away making quite a noise, dropped into his seat and brushed some invisible crumbs from his suit. Then he turned to me again and I committed a blunder and looked at him.
"Are you a frequent flyer?", he asked me and I just shook my head not looking too polite.
Shut up and let me sleep!
He pointed at my cane - obviously NOT reading my thoughts. "I hope you're comfortable..."
I sighed. "Yes...I am."
Even more if you'd just keep your trap shut!
He sat back in his seat and unfolded a newspaper. "Great", I thought. "Finally he has something to do."
The plane took off and I watched the houses become tiny and sighed at the thought of Jim down there. I already missed him like hell and wished I had a few more Vicodin with me to stay with him.
The clouds looked like cotton candy and the sun painted beautiful pictures on them, but I did not see the beauty and just longed for Jim, coffee and sleep.

My wish for coffee was fulfilled a few minutes after take-off. I ordered a strong black coffee and reached for my backpack to fetch my purse.
"Oh, my treat", Armani-Vince smiled and paid the coffee ordering another one for himself.
I looked blank and took the cup from his hand. "Yah...err...thanks."
The first sip of the dark liquid lifted my spirits a bit and I managed to grin at him. Unfortunately he took this as an invitation to palaver me.
"I was attending a congress here", he beamed and looked me straight into my eyes. "What were you doing, Mr....?"
"House", I sighed. "Gregory House."
"What have YOU done in London, Greg?", he asked again and looked at me expectantly.
"Spending a few nice days here...", I just said and leaned back again sipping my coffee.
"Oh...lucky bastard", he grinned and I inwardly rolled my eyes to the ceiling. I hated people who try to get familiar with everyone they meet.
I wished I had a book or a magazine and turned my head to the window again.
He babbled and babbled and babbled and told me almost everything about the congress he was attending, nudging my side from time to time and patting my knee.
I was close to exploding again and gritted my teeth. "Buying me a coffee does not mean you're allowed to touch me all the time!", I grunted and inched away as far as I could in my seat.
"Oh, I'm sorry, Greg. That's just the way I am", he chuckled and was not the slightest bit surprised or insulted.
He changed the topic to London and the surroundings and made me tell him I lived there as a child and soon we were talking about Canterbury. He was not as dumb as I thought and knew quite a lot about history, so it was not that bad.
Nonetheless I wished he'd tire and just shut up soon. Very soon!
Lunch was served and silenced him only a few minutes. He talked while he was chewing - another habit I really hate and can't stand.
I munched my lamb with mince sauce and decided not to reply.

I really hoped he'd grow tired after lunch. But no...he stayed talkative until tea time. Nudging me, ignoring my hit with the elbow in his ribs, patting my knee and talking, talking, talking. He ignored my impolite answers, my not answering at all, my grunts, gnarls and sighs completely. I began to wonder if it was a crime to kill him, mercy killing or self-defense.
"Could you just shut up?", I snapped somewhere down the road and ordered another coffee.
Vince grinned and laughed silently. "You are so refreshingly different. I've never known a guy like you before."
I rolled my eyes and sighed deeply. Now that song was stuck in my head. A girl like you by Edwyn Collins.
Worst thing was that I saw Vince now before my inner eye with a guitar in his hands and singing:
I've never known a guy like you before
Now just like in a song from days of yore
Here you come a knockin', knockin' at my door
And I've never met a guy like you before
You give me just a taste so I want more and more
Now my hands are bleeding and my knees are raw
Now you've got me crawlin', crawlin' on the floor
And I've never met a guy like you before
You've made me acknowledge the devil in me
I hope to God I'm talkin' metaphorically
Hope that I'm talkin' allegorically
Know that I'm talkin' about the way I feel
And I've never known a guy like you before
Never, never, never, never
Never known a guy like you before
I shuddered. Sometimes it's a curse to be a music nerd....
"I bet...", I just answered and turned my head to the window. One part of me expected he'd grab my chin like a small child now and turn it back to him, but thank God he didn't.

Suddenly there was some brouhaha at the back of the plane and people were yelling for a doctor. Some dumb guy choked on his lunch.
"Is there a doctor??? We need help here!!!"
I shrunk into my seat. "Let him choke if he's too dumb to eat", I thought to myself. For sure the hubbub was exaggerated.
Vince nudged my side. "Hey, Greg...didn't you tell me you're a doctor?"
I pretended to be asleep and just mumbled something.
He patted my head. "Greg?!"
Heck!
I opened one eye. "What?"
Vince pointed over his shoulder. "Someone needs your help." And shortly after that he yelled "Here is a doctor!!!"
I cursed to myself and got to my feet, helped the cretin and came back to my seat just to look into a beaming face. "That was extraordinary!"
"It was nothing special..."
"Not to you! But look how they all admire you!"
"I do not want their love", I said and dropped into my seat again.
I closed my eyes and hoped to be left in peace now.
Alas - in vain.
He kept babbling and just when I was about to totally freak out he suddenly said "Oh...I'm tired...I think I'll have a nap now."
Thank you, God!!!
"Sweet dreams", I said sarcastically.
"Oh", he began..."I had some really strange dreams at last. That one time I..."
"Ah, shut up!", I exclaimed. "Don't bug me, that's just a saying!"
Vince gazed at me, chuckled again and fumbled for some earphones. I watched him choose the classic channel on board radio, and before he stuffed the earphones into his ears he smiled at me again and told me "I get nightmares when I do not listen to some calming music..."
I nodded and smiled diabolically. "You'll get your nightmares, Vince", I thought to myself and suppressed a mean snigger. "Sleep well..."
As soon as he was breathing steadily I smiled and changed the channel to the one playing Marilyn Manson songs. Imagining him listening to Manson's version of Sweet Dreams now I contentedly leaned back and fell asleep, too.

I awoke shortly before arrival and was very satisfied to see Vince moving uneasily in his seat still asleep.
"Aw...a niiiiightmare?", I whispered and sniggered, switching the channel back to classics before he awoke.

I left the plane with a whistle on my lips, went home and had a nap. I unpacked my bags later and thought about how to make up for leaving Jim at Heathrow all alone.
An idea came to my mind, I smiled broadly and prepared everything for it.

So it was already Wednesday when I was at the airport waiting for Jim to arrive. The plane was announced and the first passengers left the disembarking zone.
My heart made a jump when I saw his tired figure approaching me - he did not notice me yet.
"SQUEEEEEEEEE!", I went and hopped up and down. "Oh my Gawd!"
People were staring at me and my plan began to work.
I rushed over to him. "SQUEEEE!"
He startled and looked at me puzzled.
"Oh my Gawd, it's YOU!", I beamed as loud as I could.
James looked around and rubbed his neck. "Hey, Greg", he muttered silently.
I clapped my hands. "This is UNBELIEVABLE! I never expected to meet you here! Oooooh...SQUEEEEE!"
Another uneasy look around. The first people were gazing at him and whispering to each other.
"What are you up to, Greg?", he whispered and blushed.
I took his arm shyly. "Oh...would you...I mean...I...I...."
"What?", he asked.
"I....I'd really like to have....oh...this is so embarassing...but...would you...."
"Would I what?"
"Give me an autographed photo?" I took a picture of Jim out of my pocket and handed it to him with the shyest smile I had to offer.
"I have no pen", he grunted.
"Here...I have one..."
He stared at me with this I-can't-believe-you're-doing-this-glance. "Name?", he finally asked.
"Gregory!", I whispered with a cracking voice.
"Fine....For...Gregory...." He scribbled Wait until we're at home! on the picture and handed it back to me with a sweet smile.
I beamed a dorky grin and held the photo to my heart. "Thank you! You're just adorable!"
Jim nodded and made his way out of the door, a flock of people following him - including me. He stopped at once when he saw the limousine waiting.
"Ooooh...this must be yours, right?"
"Is it?", he asked silently and looked at me.
I winked at him and nodded slightly.
James sighed and nodded. "Yes...it's for me...."
My eyes widened. "Ooooh...may I...I...I mean...could I...join you for a short while? Please?"
He shrugged and opened the door. "Get inside."
I clapped my hands and happily crawled inside of the limousine. Jim wanted to join me when someone tapped his shoulder and asked for an autograph. I tried SO hard not to laugh, believe me.

When he finally sat down beside me and closed the door, a deep sigh slipped out of his mouth. "Was this supposed to be funny?"
I shrugged and opened the mini bar. "Champagne?" I poured two glasses. "I just thought you might like that car..."
Jim took the glass out of my hand and stared at me. "Greg...I'm tired as hell...I had to kill ten damn hours at Heathrow!"
"I know, darling", I whispered and leaned against his shoulder. "I am sorry...and I missed you..."
His look became warm and tender. "I missed you, too, darling...and I'm sorry I did not understand you needed your pills..."
I smiled and then addressed to the driver. "You know the way?"
"Yes, Sir", he answered and I closed the window between the driver's cabin and us.
"A luxury hotel is awaiting us, my dear...with a bath, rose petals, Champagne, dinner, candles....", I whispered to Jim who just put our glasses aside and pushed me back into the seat.

Yes...I think he was not cross with me anymore....