Tuesday, July 24, 2007

Lapsing into silence

Mood: sulky
Drinking: Cameron's damn cinnamon tea
Eating: Foreman's Oreos
Listening to: Direct to helmet - The Spinto Band

I lapsed into silence.
Jim did the same.
It is a deafening silence and I hate it.
But I started the thing because he yelled at me in the car on our way home - totally pissed off because of that bauble with Nitrous oxide.
It was fun!
And I knew he could handle the car, otherwise I would have never done that. Believe me or not: I like being alive. At least since I am with James. That incident with the trigger-happy artard showed me once again that I could never think of not being with him. Being dead would be horrible - just because it would mean not to be with him.

Well, I crossed my arms and fell silent after Jim yelled at me Saturday evening and did not talk since then. Jim is almost as stubborn as me and did not talk either. So we just creep around each other, avoid the other's glance straightfaced and share silent meals, silent evenings and silent bedtimes.
The worst thing is that we don't even touch each other! The lack of sex was bad enough, but we still had some cuddling and kissing. Now there is nothing. No talking, no cuddling, not even the smallest peck on the lips. Maybe that makes it easier for James, but I have the impression he takes as many cold showers as before. And I try to think the feelings down. My mind keeps working on former cases, my own condition, my attempts on walking without my cane, recovering, medical news and so on.

He still insists I should undergo treatment and rehab, he even scribbled down a post-it note for me yesterday morning at the breakfast table to remind me of my appointment with Dr. Featherstonhaugh. I just snorted and drowned my cereals in vanilla milk. Jim opened his mouth and I really expected him to say something, but he closed it again and the breakfast remained a silent one.

Jim left the house afterwards and I still had some hours left until I had to show up at Featherstonhaugh's doctor's office. It was tedious being alone at home with nothing to do and I distracted myself with playing a bit mahjongg and cursing "into my stubble" as James calls it. I was really upset and soon scolding my computer and the mahjongg bricks and slamming my cane to the table afterwards almost destroying it.
"DAMN FUCK!!!", I yelled and amassed my temples angrily. I popped my too-manyeth Vicodin from the bottle I hid from James and smashed my fist to the table.
"FUCK!", I yelled again because that really hurt.
With an unnerved sigh I switched on the TV and watched Spongebob until I had to leave. My mood was six feet under when I got on my motorcycle, put the helmet on and bombed down the road to the hospital. It got even worse when I was stopped by some daft cop because I was "speeding".
He promptly started to get in my hair with his annoying chewing gum. I got off the bike, took my sticker and ranted about an urgent case and that he was risking the life of my patient and so on. He was neither amused nor impressed but examined my eyes.
"Any drugs?", he chewed and looked at me slightly bored but interested at the same time.
I rolled my eyes. "Just Vicodin. I'm a chronic pain patient."
He looked closer into my eyes. "Have a prescription for that?"
"Sure!", I gnarled and showed him one.
He nodded and waved me literally aside. I got on my bike again, put on the helmet and bombed down the road again knowing I couldn't be charged twice because of speeding.

Finally I arrived at the PPTH with a grim smile, parked my Honda at my handicapped parking and reluctantly went inside then. My watch told me I was already late which made me swear again. That damn cop.
I nodded grumpily at the nurses there and almost wanted to check in at the reception when I remembered that today I was here as a patient. So I just stepped into the escalator and headed for Featherstonhaugh's office.
He startled a bit when I entered without knocking as usual. A small man with dark hair, round glasses and a beak arose from his chair to greet me.
"Dr. House..."
I nodded.
"Dr. Featherstonhaugh." He reached out his hand and I looked down at it for a while before I took and shook it. "I am the one who operated you. Under the scouting of Dr. Wilson, Dr. Cuddy, Dr. Foreman, Dr. Chase and Dr. Cameron", he grinned.
"My husband and my gang", I nodded. "Thank you."
"Your....oh....I didn't know that...", Featherstonhaugh sat down again. "I always thought Dr. Wilson was the heartthrob here."
I shrugged. "He is."
"Interesting", Featherstonhaugh smiled and gestured me to the surgery couch. "Okay, let's examine your wounds."
He checked everything, told me that the healing process was quite fine and I inwardly rolled my eyes 'cause I already knew that. I still thought I did not need any appointments here.
"You disagree?"
"Uh...no...I knew it was okay."
"Aha...I see. And you think you do not need to visit me."
"I don't just think, I know."
Featherstonhaugh leaned back a bit and smiled at me. "Well, I might know more than you in at least one point. Dr. Cuddy wants you to come here; you have to come to our appointments, Dr. House."
Oh, I was SO glad to hear that!
And SO glad about the rehab he proposed. Thank you, Cuddy!

Grumpier than before I left the room and made my way to the diagnostic department. As I entered the common room to fetch a biiiig mug of coffee there, all three ducklings sat over a file and lifted their heads.
Cameron jumped up and rushed over to me. "Dr. House!"
She hugged me and I just stiffened and stared at her.
Chase and Foreman patted my back and seemed to have forgiven me that sex store delivery thing. (Or they are not sure if it was really me...)
Foreman looked at my facial expression and grinned broadly. "Good things never change - a true ray of sunshine again...."
Cameron was determined to pamper me and brought cinnamon tea, cookies and a cushion (!) before she sat down next to me and almost seemed to crawl into me with a concerned face. They made me tell them about my last weeks, my progress and everything.
"What a pity Dr. Wilson could not stay at home with you for longer", Cameron sighed and patted my hand. I withdrew it immediately and just nodded.
"He feels quite lucky now to be at work, I assume", I thought and just changed the subject.
A quarter of an hour later I decided to leave as they refused to show me any new cases and interesting patients. "We know you would not leave at all then. You still have to recover", they said almost simoultaneously.
A snort was my only answer and my feet automatically led me to Jim's office.
I stood there for a while and thought about going inside. But if I did, I would have to say hello and be the first to break the silence. If I did not, Jim would feel he had to ask me about my appointment, I thought and turned around. (I did not know then that Cuddy would tell him everything about my appointment...Thanks again!)

Unfortunately I was a true schlimazel (as Jim might call it) on Monday...
I felt the urge to buy me a cold Reuben without pickles in the cafeteria and guess who I met?
Dr. F.! Tenacious M!
I heard him roar from far. "Ciao, Dottore House!!!"
He came over to me and hugged me for quite a while totally oblivious of the fact I obviously tried to squirm out of this situation.
"Dio, you look good!", he beamed at me when he finally stopped holding me close.
I brushed some invisible crumbs from my sportscoat and just glared at him.
"And what do you think of me?", he dared to ask and showed me a new suit underneath his labcoat.
"You have a face for the radio....", I grunted and made him happier than ever.
That idiot!
He kept patting my shoulder, put his arm around me every now and then and pestered me in every way I never wanted until I barked at him to stop it.
This just put a foolish smile on his face - unbelievable!
I escaped and went to Cuddy because I wanted to complain and explain to her why I did not need to see Featherstonhaugh.
I was a jinx again. No one there.

When I turned and headed for the parking lot the worst thing ever happened. I passed the gents rooms and heard someone moan and sigh. Of course I thought there was someone sick and peeped in. (Out of curiosity, not to help.)
What I then heard I surely won't forget that soon....
A male voice still sighed and moaned and then there was another noise I tried to define. I raised an eyebrow and thought about what this could be when this voice suddenly moaned "Greeeeeg.....ooooh......Gregoryyyyyyyy...."
Wide-eyed I stared at the toilet doors and felt a bit sick in my stomach. This voice belonged to Tenacious M, no doubt.
A "Buah!" escaped my mouth and I left the building as quickly as possible. "Ewwwwwwww!", I thought, shook my head and got on my bike. This was so disgusting. When I put my helmet on I saw him coming out of the door with a cloudy face, smile and wave at me.
"Ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww!" I thought again and drove away as fast as I could.

I really felt the urge to talk with James yesterday evening. I longed to feel his arms around me, to kiss and cuddle and of course even more. He just nodded at me when he came home and another silent evening began. I was way too stubborn to say anything and so I sat there dreaming of James pushing me down on bed and doing all the things I was longing for for soooooo long now.
No wonder my mood was six feet under again when I went to bed.


Blogger Shannon said...

ouch, talk about awkward. sounds like you had a fun day.

June 08, 2008  
Anonymous Las Vegas Foreclosures said...

yay! that hurts, really!

May 04, 2011  

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