Friday, December 08, 2006

Playing darts with injections

Mood: smug
Weather: partly cloudy and fucking cold
Drinking: vanillashake
Listening to: Love and Death - The Stills

This day was fine!
You don't believe me?
I was at PPTH, that's right.
But the day was fine nevertheless.
Okay...there were some unpleasant things, too.
But one thing countervailed it all.
I still reminisce and utter evil snickers.

When I arrived at PPTH I was grumpy, tired and already pissed - a normal start of a normal day. Everyone hurried out of my way 'cause almost the whole staff at hospital knows it's not wise to cross my trajectory before I had a coffee here.

When I entered the common room of our department the smell of freshly percolated coffee greeted me and I limped to the coffee maker without saying hello pouring coffee into my red mug and stirring sugar into it.
"Good morning, House!", Cameron said with her thank-God-it's-Friday-voice.
I nodded, grunted and sipped my coffee. Afterwards I said "Morning, Cameron and Chase!", lifting up my arm slightly.
"Hey, House", Chase answered and they both grinned.
"Anything I should know?", I asked and yawned.
Chase handed me a new patient record. "Man, 54 years old, enlarged lymph nodes, cough and hemoptysis, hepatomegaly, weight loss, poor appetite and cachexia, paraneoplastic phenomenon...."
"Boring!", I interrupted him. "It's cancer. Hand the file to Dr. Danby."
Chase looked blank. "Um...okay...."
I gestured to the other record. "And this?"
Chase opened it and read. "Another guy, 45 years old, weakness of the eye muscles..."
I grabbed the record and skimmed through it. "Hmmm...difficulty in swallowing and slurred speech...I think I know what it is..."
"You can't know that by now", Cameron insisted and I took another sip of coffee.
"No? Unstable or waddling gait, weakness in arms, hands, fingers, legs, and neck, a change in facial expression...Go and visit him. Do some blood tests."
"What kind of tests?", Chase asked.
"Identify antibodies against the acetylcholine receptor or MuSK protein", I answered and they both nodded.
Another nodd and they hurried out of the room.
"Chase! You stay here!", I yelled and he turned on his heels.
"You do the single-fiber electromyography and repetitive nerve stimulation."
Chase nodded and off he was.

I entered my office with another cup of coffee and put my feet on my desk. A knock on the door prevented me from taking out my PSP. "Hmmmm?"
Cuddy came in. "Good morning, House. Ah, I start the day rather relaxed...."
I took the feet down and folded my hands to rest my chin on them. "We ware already testing, Cuddy..."
"Is there anything you want except my body?", I asked her with a broad grin.
Cuddy rolled her eyes to the ceiling. "Oh, House...please don't remind me of my unfulfilled love for you! Yes, I wanted to know when I'm supposed to show up tomorrow."
I leaned back and stretched. "7 Arnello's."
She stared at me. "How on earth did you manage to get a table there?"
"Ah", I shrugged. "I just phoned Arnello and asked him."
"Er...yes...I remember he likes you..."
She wanted to leave, but I held her back by saying "Cuddy?"
"And please....No cleavage like the one today!"
Cuddy snorted and left the room.

After a while Cameron and Chase returned. "I found antibodies directed against the body's own proteins in his blood", Cameron broke to me.
"Could it be Lupus?", Chase asked and I spat coffee all over my desk. "NO!", I laughed.
I looked over the results. "The autoantibodies are directed against the acetylcholine receptor. Give him immunosuppressive drugs such as prednisone, ciclosporin, mycophenolate mofetil and azathioprine."
"Why?" they both asked.
"Because it is Myasthenia gravis. His weakness is caused by the MuSK protein at the post-synaptic neuromuscular junction, inhibiting the stimulative effect of the neurotransmitter acetylcholine."

Of course I was right. I'm always.
The rest of the day I had to spend in surgery...Nice, huh?
There were really convicts today and most of them were treated by other doctors.
I was scribbling down some notes when the next patient entered the room. He was blonde, tall, green-eyed, handsome and guided by a warder.
Strike!, I thought 'cause I knew who this was.
I leaned back in my chair. "Come in, come in!"
He sat down and nodded to me. "I seem to be lucky to get the handsome doctor."
My smile was false and resembled more an evil smirk. "You think you're lucky? Excuse me for a while...I have to talk to the warder..."
He was secured with handcuffs and I stepped outside with the warder, Mr. Elder, as he told me.
"Mr. Elder....I'm honest. I want to torture this man!"
Mr. Elder stared at me. "You want...what?"
I shrugged. "He tried to rape my husband the day before yesterday. And I really want to torture him!"
Mr. Elder swallowed. "Your husband?"
I nodded and he looked around before he spoke again. "He tried the same with my husband....last year. So...feel free to do whatever you want!"
We talked about our marriages for a few minutes - Elder was married in Canada - and then I entered the room again. Alone.
"So...what ails you?" I asked with a voice as sweet as honey.
The guy turned to me and started to smile. "I like your voice."
"That's not what I wanted to know."
He lifted an eyebrow. "O-kaaaay."
I sat down before him. "What's up? Why are you here?"
He bent over. "Maybe to ask you for a date when I'm out again?"
I didn't react and just glared at him.
He shrugged. "Nuthin...I just wanted to get out of jail for a few hours. I didn't expect to meet someone like you", he smiled again.
"Nor did I", I grinned and took a few shots out. "Proceed to the wall and take your trousers off."
"Sounds good", he grinned and did as I told him.
I secured the handcuffs in a way he was unable to move and used him for playing darts with the injections.
His cries were really...satisfying.
One of the injections was contaminated with a minor disease....I was unaware of that - of course...
"If I catch you again laying your filthy hands on my husband you won't be able to breathe anymore", I told him before Mr. Elder took him out again.


Anonymous Anonymous said...

He deserved that!

December 08, 2006  
Blogger Dr. James Wilson said...


I am speechless ...

I am ...

I am actually laughing my ass off! You are unique, you are my hubby ... and I love you!

Gawd! Unbelievable ...

December 08, 2006  
Blogger Dr. Gregory House said...

Whoosh...I was a bit afriad of the reactions...

December 08, 2006  
Blogger Dr. James Wilson said...

Thanks for all you did yesterday!

December 09, 2006  
Blogger Dr. Gregory House said...

I told you I am there for you.

December 10, 2006  
Anonymous Anonymous said...


December 11, 2006  
Blogger Dr. Gregory House said...


December 11, 2006  

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