Thursday, November 30, 2006

A visit from the sheriff

James was really a sight for the gods in his long underwear and the woollen socks he found in the cupboard.
"Poor hun", I grinned at him after he phoned Mr. Brunswick (as he told you in his blog this guy's running the grocery store, is chief of the local fire department and mayor here). "Fancy a massage?"
"Hrrrmmmmmm....sounds alluring", he purred and I nodded to the bedroom with a broad grin on my face.
James smiled and hurried over so that he already was stretched on his belly when I entered the room.
I warmed some cream in my hands and began to knead his back.
"Aaaaaaaaaw", he moaned and I felt a slight twitch in my stomach.
"What a pity Brunswick jr. will be here in about an hour", I whispered into his ear and grinned when I saw goose pimples spread all over his back.
Three quarters of an hour later I stopped to amass him and rubbed my hands.
"Geesh, that was long...But you'd better hurry now to be decently dressed when the mayor's son turns up here", I winked at him.
"Mhmmmm", he nodded somewhat dazed and put on a black Jeans, t-shirt and a dark brown turtleneck.
I sighed and kissed his cheek. "You look scrumptious..."
He smiled at me and kissed me tenderly. "And you're way too cute in your Irish sweater and corduroys!" For a while I ran the risk to drown in his eyes when we heard the sound of the snow-mobile approaching the cottage.

"There he is", Jim grinned. "We're ready just in time."
"You're ready just in time", I smirked, "I wasn't laying on the bed in long underwear..."
James slapped my shoulder and went into the living room.
The engine stopped outside and a few minutes later there was a knock at the door.
"Dr. Wilson? James?"
James opened the door and stepped outside.
"Hello, Finn! How are you?", I heard him say.
"Fine! I already heard you're up here. Pity it's such crappy weather, but you'll be provided with everything you need."
Then there was some rummaging and James entered with a big brown bag filled to the brim with lettuce, tomatoes, tangerines and other things.
I raised an eyebrow and decided my leg was good enough to help him and Finn Brunswick. So I stepped outside and saw a man in a police uniform grabbing some bags from the snowmobile.
"Oh, the local sheriff provides us with food?", I grinned and he turned to me. He was rather handsome and roughly the same age as Jim, therefore they knew each other by their first names, I thought.
He froze in his step and looked at me. "Uh..."
Again I raised an eyebrow. "Um...yes...nice to meet you", I said, limped to the snow-mobile and took the bag with beverages.
Meanwhile Jim was back at the mobile and took two other bags. We both turned to the cottage and Finn Brunswick hurried to follow us.
We put everything into the kitchen and Brunswick found his voice. "Er...I'm sorry", he beamed at me and shook my hand. "I'm Finn Brunswick, the local sheriff."
"Gregory House", I replied and asked myself when he'd stop shaking my hand.
He didn't, so I asked "May I have it back? There are some more bags outside, I suppose."
"Uh? Oh...I'm sorry", he answered with a foolish grin and scratched his head.
In the meantime James came back again, nearly covered with bags.
"Was that all?", I asked him.
He shook his head. "Nope...I suppose Mr. Brunswick thinks we'll be stuck here for the next month."
I giggled and went outside again, followed by Sheriff Brunswick.
"So you're a colleague of James?", he asked.
I nodded and already was on my way back into the cottage, a bag with crisps, chocolate and other nice things in my left hand. They really seem to like James here.
"Inter alia", I replied and smiled at James who passed us to grab the last bags.
"Er...what?", Finn asked with a puzzled expression.
I fought down a giggle and replied "Among other things, yes!"

Back in the kitchen I eyed the heap of things. "Good Lord...are you sure your father didn't think we're ten people up here?"
Brunswick shrugged and smiled. "He always fears someone could run short of inventories."
Jim grinned and fetched his wallet. "Really thoughtful of him."
"He told me the beverages are a gift. He's pleased to see you here again", Finn told James. Why are villagers always so awfully nice? It was like in one of those 50ies TV-series, I thought.
We thanked him and James asked "As it seems decades I wasn't here, what about a whisky at the fireplace, Finn? Or do you have to take your own driving license if you're under the influence of whisky on your snow-mobile?"
Finn grinned and shrugged. "No, I don't think so. Whisky sounds good." He took off his jackett and cap and sat down on the sofa where we joined him with a bottle of Glenfiddich and three glasses.
"Jethro Flanders told us you're up here", he began and grinned broadly.
"The local tattletale, I suppose?", I asked.
Finn nodded and beamed at me again (and I noticed Jim slightly frown). "Don't ask me how he gains all his knowledge, but he also told my father that soon afterwards another guest arrived with a car that reminded him of the mafia."
I snorted. "Mafia, eh?", and whistled the tune of The Godfather. "Well, who knows...but I'm just a doctor..."
"So, you're an oncologist? James is the head of oncology at your hospital, right?"
"Right", James nodded. "But Greg is head of the department of diagnostic medicine."
Finn nodded and seemed impressed.
He told James the latest gossip and who died and so on, always turning to me and smiling foolishly. James looked at me over his shoulder and I just shrugged. This guy was obviously odd.
"And is your talemonger also informed about when we're going to bed here?", I finally asked with an innocent smile. Of course I wanted to know if some old fart is lurking up here and thought of last night.Finn laughed.
"Ah, no! Of course not. He just saw the cars coming up the way to the cottage."
I nodded. "Fine!"
James yawned insistently. "God..I'm it really that late?" he feigned.
I looked at my watch. "God, your right, it's almost 9pm."
With an excusing smile I turned to Finn. "This must sound odd, but we're awake since half past four this morning, discussing cases, you know..."
He nodded and was all smiles. "Yes, it's late then. Well, doctors and cops are always on duty, I know...Well, if you're in need of anything, just tell me", he said, already shaking my hand again.
"Oh, I'm sure if I'm in need of something James will take care of it", I grinned and arose.
James stood up, too, and we guided him to the door.
" that you mention it...Is there a doctor at the village? I'm running short of my pills..."
He nodded. "Just scribble down what you need."
I handed him a memo with just Vicodin on it and he promised to phone us when he came to bring them.
Another foolish smile and scratching his head later he sat on his snow-mobile, waved and off he was.

James shook his head and I turned to him.
"He's odd, right?"
I shrugged. "But he behaved odd."
James smiled at me and we went inside again.
I lay down on the sofa and looked at him with big, round hug-me-eyes. "I'm in need of hugging", I said. "Will you take care of me?"
James lay beside me, took me into his arms and softly kissed my forehead.
"But of course..."

Snowed in

Mood: still "Hug meeeeee!"
Weather: still snowing
Drinking: Hot Chocolate with whipped cream...yummy
Listening to: Twist in my sobriety - Tanita Tikaram

God...I can't describe how cosy this is.
There's a fire in the fireplace, we lit candles, outside it's snowing and snowing and snowing and it's smelling like hot chocolate, James and the fire.

After James was desperate to tell you about the morning, you'll know by now why I stated it started perfect, eh?
And fat and dislikeable Mr. Ed's Vogler's blog couldn't change my mood a single inch. Hah!
He still tries to annoy me and posted this picture:

It has the caption: Where's the monster?
Well...I spotted the monster right away. It's that huge guy standing beside me, hm?

I gave Jim ear candy with that Tanita Tikaram song and he's still humming it from time to time. (Well, and I'm listening to it has somewhat odd lyrics...but I really like it. Sweet and handsome, Soft and porky,You pig out 'til you've seen the light Erm...if she thinks so...Reminds me of Dadaism.) I love oboes and it has plenty of oboe-parts.
But this one is even better: Valentine Heart. Could listen to it for hours and just watch and cuddle my husband.
Husband! How does that sound?
I'm still not used to that word and was silly today. I was humming for about five minutes while holding him close Hubby, hubby, hubby....your my husband.... God, I really made a fool of myself and sometimes I really ask myself who wears the breeches. (Foreman asked me so...well, I think we take turns in this...or is it James? No...Is he? Erm...I think we're just equal.)

For the last hours we lay in bed cuddling, snuggling and snogging and watching Twin Peaks on the internet. It's so cosy I can't describe it.

Wait a mobile's ringing...

Nice...It was Cuddy. She told me to get our asses to PPTH.
We'll do what we can, Lisa!

Just me, myself and I

I played with Paint Shop Pro.
You might remember this picture as a black and white shot.
Well, now it's coloured and I added my name in an odd font.

I love that song

...and I love that movie.
Jim unfortunately hates it.
It's too bloody and too "B", I think.
Maybe I should ask Chase if he'll watch it with me?

Don't panic. There's no one dying in that vid...It's only a school project of these two ill-minded sisters.

Another song I have in my mind

Silly vid...

Just don't ask me what it reminds me of.


I really didn't think that through...
Will my blog now be rated NC-17?
Heck! Why do I always have to mention so much?

Melting the snow away - in a very special way

Mood: Hug meeeeeeee!
Weather: Let it snow, let it snow, let it snow!
Drinking: coffee
Eating: bagels

Whoosh, I'm in a huggable mood!
We had an awfully nice start in the morning - erm...maybe I'll mention that later.
And by the way: We're snowed in. The SUV is nowhere to be seen, it's covered with heaps of snow.

Yesterday afternoon and evening we talked a lot, held us a lot, cuddled a lot and kissed a lot. Somewhere down the road James fell asleep as he didn't get any sleep the night before and lay there slightly snoring for almost four hours. (Maybe he catched a cold. And it sounded so cute!)

Meanwhile I sat in the armchair, had a Scotch or two and watched the flames. I had much to think about and I swear, if that uncle wasn't already dead he'd better make his will by now.
In order not to let my thoughts stray away I looked around the kitchen and explored the fridge. There was steak in it, I found beans and potatoes and after meditating a few minutes I decided to prepare dinner with that. Steak, potatoe wedges and bean salad.
To my own surprise it turned out well and I heard James moving in bed when I set the table. I sneaked into the bedroom and fondled his hair.
"Hey, you're awake..."
He blinked and moved a bit. "Mhm...I am...", he yawned and I had to hold myself back not to cuddle him through the slatted frame.
He stretched. "How long have I slept?"
I shrugged. "About four hours I think. You needed rest." I smiled at him. "Hungry?"
His eyes popped open. "Now that you mention it...YES! I am hungry! I could eat like a horse."
Kissing his forehead I told him "Up, up, my love, dinner's ready!"
He grinned. "Aaaw, my little wife, that's so sweet of you!"
I slapped his head and proceeded to the table.
He followed me and sat down. "God, you made potatoe wedges? How did you manage this?"
"Al forno", I grinned, "..I'm not daft", I winked at him.
He smiled and began to eat at once. "Fhat's good", he mumbled between two chews and I poured the wine.
After a while I couldn't help teasing him and flipped a potatoe wedge to his nose. With a quiet plong it landed on the table and I innocently sipped my wine.
James looked up, "Don't throw potatoes at me...", and continued eating.
I shrugged and flipped a bean into his hair, but in that very same moment he flipped a bean at my eye. We both giggled and if you're familiar with the parts of a drama you'll know why I call that comic relief. If our drama was Macbeth throwing food served as the drunken porter.
And because I was thinking of Macbeth I grinned devilishly at James. "By the pricking of my thumbs, something wicked this way comes...." I took a deep sip of wine and stood up to apporoach him.
"Uh-oh", he just said and I bent over, kissed him and let the wine flow into his mouth.
"Guck", he said and I returned to my chair. "Nice...Really nice, Greg..."
I waggled my eyebrows and continued eating. " there's only the steak missing on you", I pondered.
Jim pointed at me with his fork. "Don't you dare..."
I smiled with my uttermost innocent expression and turned my attention to my meal. Just when he thought himself safe I threw a tiny piece of steak to his eyebrow. First he didn't notice but I started to giggle again.
He looked up. "Huh?"
I pointed at his face with my knife. "There's something dangling from your eyebrow..."
"Ukk! You...You're unbelievable!"
"Wasn't me", I lied and he stood up. I tried to escape him but he grabbed my collar and drew me close. "You...", he said.
"Me?" I said with big round eyes and he concealed a smile.

I freed myself and hobbled to the door. He follwed me and when I tried to open it it was blocked by heaps of snow.
"Ooops....we're snowed in I suppose..."
"Erk", James launched out and I took my coat, opened one of the windows and climbed out.
"Whooohoooo", I yelled inside. "Come out and look at this!"
James put on his clothes (as he didn't want to come out in his yammies) and his coat and climbed out of the window as well.
For a while it had ceased to snow, the moon was high and everything around us glistened. The warm shine from the windows turned pieces of snow to gold while other parts glistened silverish and blue.
"Wow...", Jim whispered and looked around. That was a truely beautiful winter wonderland and it looked just like X-mas.
I snickered and pointed into the direction the SUV was supposed to be. "We'll have to dig it out tomorrow..."
James looked up into the sky. "I don't think we'll return home tomorrow."
I grinned. "Cuddy will kill us..."

I tried to limp a few steps through the snow, took a handful, formed a snowball and threw it at Jim's head. First he stood there like a stuffed dummy.
"Hey!", he finally exclaimed and it didn't take long and we started a silly snowball fight. This took almost ten minutes until James ran into me and we both fell into a heap of snow. He lay on my chest and I giggled my ass off 'til I noticed his eyes growing dark.
He looked straight into my eyes. "Stop looking like this", he said hoarsely.
"But...", I only managed to say and was silenced with a passionate kiss which made my head fly away.
James grabbed my scarf, threw it aside and opened my coat. "God, Greg!", he panted. "I want you! I need you and I swear I'm gonna take you right now and here." He kissed my neck and fumbled his coat open. The only thing I could do was sigh and he muttered between his teeth "This only turns me on...You'd better stop it!"
"Fool", I thought, "Why should I?", and leaned my head back into the snow.
James tore my shirt to tatters and his kisses on my bare chest left traces of liquid fire. His hands were everywhere, he forced away our trousers, threw his shirt aside, sucked and licked my skin and made me mad.
He kissed me hard - I felt my skin break and tasted my own blood in my mouth but didn't mind.
When he looked into my eyes they were dark as the night sky and I saw the anger in them. He flew into a rage but wasn't furious with me (of course).
Biting and sucking my neck he scratched my sides and panted into my ear. "This feels like insatiable hunger", he moaned and I put my arms around him.
By then my coat was soaked with snow but I wasn't cold at all.
When he forced his body into mine with one hard stroke I could only gasp and he hissed into my ear "Now I'll do what Chase told you....I'll f*** your mind out..."
And he did his best to keep his promise. He moved hard and deep and turned me into a squirming bundle of passion. My initial sighs turned to moans and the moans became cries finally. There was no sign of the well-behaved Dr. Wilson everyone at PPTH knows and he drove us both mad.
I felt miles away and after all he broke down on my chest and panted clouds into the cold air. I tried to catch breath and felt tears rolling down his cheek.
For a while I just stared into the sky, it began to snow again and I fondled his hair. "It's no wonder if the snow around us melted away", I thought but it still was there. I still wasn't cold and after some minutes James straightened up.
"God", he whispered. I looked at him and it was in evidence that the ugly lump of all his buried anger, fear and ill memories had dissolved into nothing. Tears were still rolling down his face and I reached out to brush them away.
"Thank you", he said voiceless. "Please don't feel used..."
I sighed. "If it's always like that, use me more often..."
A grin lightened up his face. "Goodness, I destroyed your shirt", he exclaimed, bent down to kiss me and then helped me up. "We'd better go inside until we freeze to the ground..."

Walking felt like walking on wobbly clouds and I immediatley made my way to the bathroom and had a long, hot shower.
A few minutes later James joined me. We hugged each other shortly and suddenly he pinned me to the wall, whispering into my ear "Hell, it's really insatiable..."

Wednesday, November 29, 2006

Nothing Else Matters

Always on my mind since a few hours

Lost for words

I'm sorry, I'm still lost for words.
After all, Jim told me what was eating him and I'm shocked, dumbfounded and ... well, overflowing with love for him.
I'm sure you'll too be somewhat taken aback when you read what he told me. My poor, loveable, awesome, terrific, wonderful, beloved and beautiful husband.
Oh God...

I hope he'll never ever do something like that again.
It was horrible finding out he was gone and all alone with his fears and feelings.
I'm so glad I found him - thanks to Ruth, who told me about this place.

I think I'll phone her now to tell her all's well.

And then...I'll be back to cuddle Jim. I can't think of anything else than having him near me. I'm always there for you, my love, never forget that.

And to those at PPTH: We'll return tomorrow but I'm not sure if we'll turn up at work...

Just posting some pictures distract me...

James and some dark corner.

Me in my labcoat. Don't get used to that sight!

Teasing Jim...

Er...just me.

Guess who's visiting me? Need a clue? Look at the pocket-protector...

At the fireplace the cottage, having a coffee...

Being there for you

Mood: relieved
Listening to: I Will Be With You - T'Pau
Drinking: Coffee

Such a beautiful song...
I will be with you
You're here in my heart
But if you never come back again
We'll never be far apart
I miss you so much
Wherever you are
But if you never come back again
We'll never be far apart.

I'm so glad I finally found him.
I'm so happy he's here now.
We didn't talk much so far, but he also didn't send me home so far.
And I hope he won't do that.

I awoke because of the scent of freshly brewed coffee and it took me a few minutes to realize where I was. I shifted in bed, stretched and rubbed my eyes.
A look outside the window told me it was still snowing and there was still daylight. I couldn't have slept for long.
There was quiet music and the smell of coffee and my heart missed a beat.
He was back.
I crept out of bed and silently approached the living room door. There he was...sitting on the sofa and watching the fire. Just as I did some hours ago.
My mind somehow switched off and I didn't think of pouring us coffee or saying hello or anything.
I just sneaked to the sofa, nestled beside him and held him close.

"You found me", he whispered and his lips found mine to kiss me with such tenderness it brought me to tears. Once again all my walls crumbled and I just sat there, kissed him, held him and at the same time sobbed my soul out.
I tried to fight that down, he was already feeling miserable enough, but I couldn't help it.
It was cosy and warm at the fireplace, he smelled of Fahrenheit, new clothes, coffee, the fire and James and I surely was deranged in my flannel-pajama with cascades of tears running down my cheeks. I couldn't stop cuddling and kissing him and just managed to whisper "I missed you so much. I love you, Jim."
My heart was pounding against my chest and I felt such a longing for him and a love so great I thought it would break my heart into myriads of pieces. It was like a tsunami crashing upon me and I nearly drowned in his eyes.
He snuggled at my chest, fondled my hair and covered my face with kisses.
"I love you, Greg."
That was all that counted.
We could talk later about what caused him to hide here.

I am there for him and I will do everything I can to help him cope with these things in his past. I'll give him everything he needs.


I couldn't resist to distract me with that stupid quiz before going to bed now.
Well...and I hoped Jim would turn up soon.

You Are 25% Stereotypically Gay

You have a hint of gayness about you, but only very slight. You might have a few qualities that fit a gay stereotype. But in general few people are going to think you're gay.

How Stereotypically Gay Are You?
Make a Quiz

Off I am

I'm at Canada now.
Far away at some hidden cottage amidst lakes and snowy mountains.
Here it is:

Doesn't it look cosy? is actually...but I'm alone.

But I should start at the beginning.
I went mad when I read Jim wasn't even in the country and hobbled as fast as I could to Cuddy, yelling at her how she could dare lying to me and telling her I was off now.
She just stared at me and nodded a few times. I didn't wait to get her approval and limped back into my office where I phoned Ruth.
"Greg! Darling! How nice! How are you?", she said and I could almost hear her beaming smile.
I cleared my throat. "Um...not very well, to tell the truth..." And I started to tell her in brief what happened.
"Oh my God", she said voiceless. "My poor little boy..."
Taking a deep breath I asked her if it could be true her poor little boy was abused in his childhood, beaten up severely.
She started to sob and answered in the affirmative. "It was his uncle...Oh was dire...He never forgot about this...Neither did we...It must have come back to his mind because of his fight with Dr. Chase."
Just because of me, I thought and swallowed.
"I don't want to leave him alone there, Ruth. So please, if you know where he might be, tell me."
She hesitated. "I'm almost sure he's in his father's fishing hut...He always hid there as a child..."
She told me how to get there. "Greg...I'm glad he found you", she said as we said goodbye. "And please visit us afterwards."
"That depends on him", I anserwed. "Maybe he just wants to go home."
"You're right", she sighed. "Good luck. I love you."

I looked at the phone for a while when Foreman knocked at my door. "Come in!", I said. "Ah, Foreman...Could you please take Cameron and Chase in here?"
He nodded and three minutes later they all stood in my office looking at me expectantly. I told them what happened in a nutshell and that I now was off fetch some things to go to the airport.
Chase offered to drive me there and I gratefully accepted.

We didn't speak a word on the way to my appartment and I just dropped out for a few minutes to get some things. On our way to the airport Chase began to talk.
"I'm incredibly sorry...I didn't want that...."
"Well", I shrugged. "You couldn't expect that."
He concentrated on traffic and gnawed his lower lip. "I wish I could recover losses..."
I grinned grimly. "Just don't start to amass me again..."
He sighed. "House, I'm sorry. I don't know what came over me."
"And I don't want to know", I snapped and he fell silent.

It seemed to take ages, but finally we arrived at the airport. I thanked Chase and dropped out of the car. "That was a good start to wipe the slate clean", I told him and made my way to the terminals.
Thankfully I didn't have to wait long and I tried to get some sleep during the flight. This failed of course and I thought about some cases at hospital to distract me.

I almost ran out of the plane when we landed and headed for the car rental agency when I heard someone behind me. "Buon giorno, Dottore House!"
I turned and looked into Joey Arnello's smiling face.
"Uh....Mr. Arnello...what are you doing here?"
He grinned. "Ah...just handling any sort of business...and you?"
I told him where I wanted to go and he put his arm around my shoulder. "I'd be honoured to get you there. No need to rent a car."
"Really? But..."
"No but", he smiled. "Just this way, please."
He guided me to an already waiting limousine and the ride to the cottage was rather comfortable. I was offered Scotch which I thankfully downed.
The closer we approached the more snowy it became. I was glad I had coat and scarf and watched the twirling snowflakes and a landscape that looked as if covered with cotton candy.
An hour later I got out of the car and thanked Mr. Arnello who just waved with a smile.

The cottage was dark, but the SUV behind it told me James was here.
Unfortunately he wasn't in the cottage. Maybe he was for a stroll around the lakes.
It was snowing heavily and I had troubles to limp through the snow and approach the door. Ruth told me there was another key under a big stone next to the door - thank God it still was there.
I opened the door and entered a rather cosy cottage. My heart caused me a dragging pain when I saw his bag in the small hallway and I took my coat off.
Cosy it was - but cold. I lit a fire in the fireplace, percolated coffee and sat there for a while staring into the flames and warming my hands at the mug.
My thoughts circled and it felt hearttearing to know how lost Jim must feel. My poor beloved darling...
I rubbed my forehead and popped two pills, booted up his laptop and now am writing this...
I think I'll put on my jammies now and curl up in bed. I'm awfully tired and he's still not here. I'm sure he's out for a long walk to arrange his ideas and it would be stupid to go out and search him as I'm not street-smart here.

God, I'm longing for him. I'm silly enough to hug his shirt 'cause it smells of him. Think I'll take it to bed with me.


I know you'll soon be back.
Please, tell me something!
Just tell me you noticed me.
Please stop ignoring me!

You don't have to talk to me. I ask for nothing. Just a short note, please, that you noticed I'm here.


It's us...Taking someone not seriously as it seems.

It's him. Oh, I miss him!

It's me...three minutes ago...Foreman told me to show it here. He not only told me, he urged me to.

I hate this photo.

Nutty test

Yes, I did the same test...
And - oh wonder, I sound as if I am from Jersey....

What American accent do you have?
Your Result: The Northeast

Judging by how you talk you are probably from north Jersey, New York City, Connecticut or Rhode Island. Chances are, if you are from New York City (and not those other places) people would probably be able to tell if they actually heard you speak.

The Inland North
The Midland
The South
The West
North Central
What American accent do you have?
Take More Quizzes

Hell could be a nicer place

Mood: shitty, distressed and clueless
Weather: rain
Drinking: yet another coffee
Eating: nothing
Listening to: still the rain on my window pane

Hell could be a nicer place than PPTH today.
Well, it's only hell for me, I suppose.

I feel hollow, look blank and I'm yearning for James.
Half an hour ago I stood on the balcony and tried to have a glimpse into his office.
"Huuuuun?", I called but just saw his door close. He or whoever it was went out to the hallway.

I tried several times to reach him this morning and what hurt most was that he finally lets his phone reject my number.
Everytime I tried to see him at his office he wasn't there and I'm really going mad by now.
Foreman was here a few minutes ago and asked me why I looked so shitty.
I told him about yesterday evening and he watched me thoughtfully for a while.
"But there must be something you've done. Otherwise he wouldn't act this way."
I shrugged and fought down a sob. God, I hated me for this weakness.
"I really can't remember anything. I didn't leave anything out, so what do you think?"
Foreman giggled. "I think it's obvious it's Dr. Wilson who wears the breeches in your relationship...God, I never imagined he'd play that tough."
"Great!", I mumbled. "Thanks for your support!"
Foreman patted my shoulder. "Just try to reach or see him again and again."

I nodded and turned to the file again. I just had to distract me. I was longing for James. I missed him so much. And I was scared to death he'd be tired of me.
All I wanted to do was hold him in my arms, kiss him, feel him. When I closed my eyes and imagined hard enough, I could almost feel his cheek close to mine.
It was harder than detox.
I haunted the hallways and peeped into every single room he could be in. No James.
When I met Cuddy she told me he was doing his clinic hours and asked me "Everything okay?"
I just grunted something inapprehensible and went to the bakery on the other side of the road. There I bought a croissant and at Starbucks I got him a Caramel Macchiato.
I hurried back and put it on his desk, accompanied by a note. ♥ Good morning, hun.♥ I miss you. Please talk to me. Greg xxx
Afterwards I went back to my office and waited, perking up my ears with the hope I could hear him coming back.
When I thought I heard his door I hopped out of my seat and almost ran into his office.
He wasn't there anymore. Coffee and croissant still were on the table and I collapsed back upon myself.

It was unbearable. Every inch of me yearned for him and it felt as if my heart was torn apart.
When I left his office I met Dr. Danby.
"Good morning, Dr. House!", he greeted me.
"Morning", I mumbled.
"You look everything okay with you?"
"Mhmmm... You know where Dr. Wilson is?"
Danby nodded. "He's at university, there's a lecture. He'll be back for lunch I think."
I sighed. "For lunch, okay...maybe I'll be able to talk to him then."
"Um...he already announced a meeting for lunch...If it's not put off."
I stared at him. "Did he?"
"Yes. Do you need a consultation?"
With a sigh I nodded. "Maybe. I have a new patient and I'm almost sure he has colorectal cancer..."
"Fine, I'll be with you in five minutes!"
I nodded and went back into my office.

I dropped into my leatherchair and buried my face in my hands. What on earth had I done? Why was he avoiding me? It was quite obvious he didn't want to talk to me. He didn't even want to see me.
Five minutes later Danby knocked at my door.
"Come in", I said and tried to keep a stiff upper lip.
He entered with two big mugs of coffee and sat down on the sofa. I joined him with the file.
"Here he is...bloody stools, rectal bleeding, stools with mucus, unexplained weight loss. Asthenia,anemia with symptoms such as dizziness, malaise and palpitations..."
He nodded and looked through the file. "Really sounds like colorectal cancer..."
"Cameron already did a complete blood picture...this confirmed the low hemoglobin level. Chase did the DRE...", I giggled, "...but didn't find any abnormal areas. So I'd say it's DCBE now."
Danby nodded. "This and a PET...I'll do that right away."
I nodded, sipped at my coffee and rubbed my forehead.
"You don't look well...", Danby began.
I shortly buried my face in my hands. "I'm fine..."
"Sure you are." He pointed at my ring. "Some domestic quarrel?"
I sighed and looked out of the window. "Seems so...but I don't know why..."
"Does your wife work here, too?", he asked. "Maybe you should try to see her..."
I laughed haplessly. "It is no's a husband...And yes, he works here. It's Dr. Wilson."
"Oh", he just said. "I didn't know that. Do you know each other for long now?"
I nodded. "10 years, 2 months, 6 days and...", I looked at my watch, "...16 hours."
"16 know each other quite well then."
I shrugged. "But I don't have a clue what's going on..."
"And I see you feel really shitty...Well, Dr. Wilson seemed a bit odd today, too...Maybe you'll be able to talk to him when he comes back."
"I hope so", I said and suddenly my walls crumbled and I started to sob my soul out.
Poor Danby.
He patted my back and I excused. "God...this is embarassing...I'm sorry...."
"Just plain", he said and handed me another coffee.

What on earth happened?

Mood: miserable
Weather: fog and drizzle, 47°F
Drinking: my first coffee today
Eating: nothing
Listening to: the rain on my window pane

It's 10 am and I'm already for two hours at PPTH.
Foreman has percolated coffee and I'm sitting at my desk trying to concentrate on the file I got this morning. I'm sure this guy has colorectal cancer...Maybe I can consult Jim later that day.

I'm still not sure what actually happened yesterday. The evening began perfectly normal.
We went home, made ourselves comfortable and I was rummaging for coffee. Our stock was running out and so I took my coat and went to the small shop down the road.
Well, I met Susan there but we merely had a conversation and it didn't affect James.
I came back with 4 packages of coffee and James started to percolate some.
Well, I decided to put on my jammies, James did the same and we curled up on the sofa with chocolate, crisps and coffee.

Perfectly normal and it looked set to become a very cosy evening.
I wrapped in the blanket and leaned back snuggling my head into Jim's lap. He just sighed and tried to reach for the crisps, so I took the bowl and balanced it on my belly. James took a handful and when he crunched some crumbs fell into my eyes. I blinked, grinned and complained about that.
I not really complained, I just grinned about it but he stood up and sat down in the armchair. As I gathered some crumbs from the floor he muttered something about that he just cleaned up everything and sounded a bit pissy. I told him I didn't ask him to clean up and just got "You never ask!" shot in my face. I winced but then thought he still was in a bad mood because of Chase and my silly behaviour yesterday, sighed and curled up again.
"Won't you come back to me again?", I asked half an hour later and broke the silence. James shook his head. "Nope, you'll only get crumbs in your eyes." I stared at him with surely big and round eyes but he just fixed his eyes at the TV screen.
"What's wrong with you?", I asked but got no answer. I was concerned and tried to read his expression, but he revealed nothing.
So I wrapped myself closer into the blanket and suckled on a piece of chocolate with milkcreme, trying to find out what I might have done wrong.
Another half an hour later this became unbearable for me and I sat up.
"James, what's eating you? I can't remember I did anything wrong and this makes me feel..."
"Ah, it's always your feelings, huh? What about mine? Do you ever care about them?!" he interrupted me.
"But...", I began slightly flabbergasted, "...I asked you! Several times! Most of the time I can see what's going on with you but not today. So I asked."
He glared at me and I was taken aback.
" it's Greg again who's to blame for everything that's wrong in the world...", I thought.
"And now don't look at me as if I'd blame you for something!", Jim snapped and stood up. I gasped.
"Hun, I...", I started but he went out to the balcony and closed the door.

I gazed a few seconds perplexedly at the door, then laid back and stared at the ceiling. What had I done? I couldn't remember anything that might have offended or hurt him. I'd never do anything that could hurt him.
After a while I slipped into my shoes and approached the balcony door. I was almost sure he smoked out there. I hate it.
I really hate it. It's suicide in installments and I don't want him to harm himself. I smelled the smoke and just asked "You know why they're called cancer sticks?"
"I'm not smoking", I heard him gnarl and hesitated for a while.
Then I knocked at the balcony door but he didn't react. He obviously didn't want me to join him there so I went back to the sofa and curled up again.
I thought and thought and thought, but still had no clue.

"Please, hun, tell me what I've done...Or tell me what happened...I have not the slightest clue."
Jim remained silent.
Three-quarters of an hour later I couldn't stand this any longer and stood up again. I saw Jim sitting on the balustrade - smoking. Hesitantly I knocked again but he just looked the other way.
I really became desperate and knocked again. No reaction.

So I curled up on the sofa again and broodingly fell asleep after all.

This morning I awoke shivering. It took a while until it came to my mind I was still on the sofa. The blanket lay on the floor and everything was dark.
I got up and rubbed my eyes. It was half past seven.
"Huuuun?", I called.
No answer.
I got up and looked into the bedroom. No James here and the bed was already made.
He wasn't in the bathroom, he was nowhere. He was already gone.
I shook my head to get it clear. If it was an emergency he would have left a note. And he wouldn't leave me on the sofa when he went to bed - normally.
I showered, brushed my teeth, dressed and was still thinking about what I did to upset him so much.
In the kitchen I shook the thermos flask - empty. I wasn't in the mood for having a coffee all alone at home, so I grabbed my bag, stepped outside and as it was raining I decided to take my car, not the bike.

Tuesday, November 28, 2006

Calming down

Whoosh, what a day...
We both calmed down by now.
And guess what?
Chase came in and brought us Caramel Macchiato from Starbucks.
We didn't say anything and glared at him, but when he left we started to grin.
The grin transformed into a giggle and the giggle turned into roaring laughter.
"We're such idiots!", James laughed. He brushed away some tears and tried to get earnest again. "Gosh, I still can't believe what he did to you and by now I don't even want to know if he meant what he said."
I shrugged and giggled into my Macchiato. "If he's beaten up by Cameron tomorrow he was serious..."
James snorted and we enjoyed our coffee.
Afterwards he showed me two photos he found on his hard drive. We both do not know how old they are and it's just me.

I'm sure I'm trying to be cute here. I surely wanted to get something from Jim.

By the way - we all three agreed not to tell anything to Cuddy.
That reminds me....we wanted to ask her if she's one of our witnesses at the Jewish ceremony at December 9. Hmmm...she still doesn't know we're already married, the bumf hasn't reached her by now.

Much ado about everything

Mood: close to beating Chase up (again)
Listening to: Atom Bomb - Fluke

Nervously I sneaked out of my office and felt like ascending the scaffold.
Jim's comment made it more than clear he was hopping mad.
But I still failed to see I was wrong. Well, maybe I wasn't right...But as I said - what would you have thought?

Hesitantly I knocked at his office door.
"Come in!" I heard him gnarl and swallowed before I entered the room.
I approached his desk and looked at my feet - I just didn't dare to meet his eyes.
"YOU MULISH BLOCKHEAD!!!" Jim yelled at me and I winced. I took a few steps back still not looking at him.
"Oh'll stay here!", he said in a dangerously low voice and I heard him stand up. Again I swallowed and thought of something to say.
A few seconds later I saw his shiny black leather shoes appear before my sneakers and thumped my cane to the ground a few times.
"I'm sorry", I mumbled, "but what would you have thought in my place?"
"I would have thought that my husband loves me and really wanted to spend his lunchbreak with me", he softly said.
Before I could lift my eyes he took my face into his hands and kissed me feverishly, hustling me to the sofa. I stumbled backwards and was pushed into the cushions.
"I love you, Greg", he mumbled between two passionate kisses and I really didn't know what happened to me.
My desire for him washed away every reasonable thought I had in mind and I embraced him holding him close to me.
After a quarter of an hour of passionate kissing I managed to look into his face.
"Jim!", I gasped. "What the heck happened to you?"
He looked deranged and his chin was slightly swollen. I touched it lightly and he snuggled his cheek into my hand. This sight and the feel of his soft skin made my heart pound against my ribs and I had to swallow hard.
He looked into my eyes and sighed. "It's nothing..."
I sat up. "Nothing? It doesn't look like nothing. It looks as if someone hit your chin!"
He grinned ferociously. "But first I hit his stomach!"
"You had an affray?!"
Jim nodded grimly. "Chase...we collided in the hallway and I dragged him into my office. How dares he to touch you?! And to talk to you like he did?!"
I stared at him. "You hit him in his stomach and he hit your chin?"
James told me in brief what happened and I felt the anger rise in me.
"He'd better make his will!", I muttered betwen my teeth and arose.
Jim tried to hold me back. "Where are you going?"
I bent my head. "Hmmm...teaching Down Under hairwonder a little lesson..."
And off I was.

I limped down the hallway and headed for Chase's office. There he was, brooding over some tests I told them to do.
He startled as I came in without knocking. ""
I smashed my cane to his desk and his mug made a hop. "You little wombat! You dirty little bastard!"
He stood up, his back to the wall and stared at me.
"House...I'm sorry! I shouldn't have done that!"
I slid behind his desk and faced him. "What shouldn't you have done?", I asked silently.
He swallowed. "T..t..t..t...touch you...and say these things..."
This really reminded me of this Rocky Horror Picture Show song....know what I mean?
"I knew it was to much when you climbed out of your window...", he continued.
"But I'm not talking about that!", I told him.
All color vanished from his face. "God...", he whispered. "Wilson?"
"Of course I'm talking of Dr. Wilson!", I yelled and hit his shins with my cane.
He yowled and bent over to hold them. This was my chance to hit his neck with the side of my hand and I only heard a suffocated "Ouch!"
He looked up at me and I slapped his face.
I took a deep breath. " we are even, I think. Wonderful day for a new start, eh?"
With these words I left his office and had to hold myself back not to run again into him and slam him down.

Slowly I went back to James' office and shook my head. What a day.... Beating up colleagues....

Back at my office

Mood: nervous
Drinking: yet another black coffee with sweetener (still no one replaced the sugar)
Eating: nothing - just gnawing my lower lip

Whoooooohooooo, I'm nervous.
Gaaawd, Jim's pissed.
I think he's hopping mad and I'm the cause of this (once again).

But be honest - what would you have thought?
Maybe he just should try to walk a while in my shoes.

You wouldn't imagine how fast I limped back here. People gave me odd side glances because I was in such a hurry.
Well, I must have been a sight for the gods...packed with laptop, files and my bag limping at a fast pace with my coat blowing behind me.

I just threw everything on my sofa here and am still trying to catch breath. I'm supposed to show up at his office now...
I'll better go.


Mood: Huh?!
Drinking: Capri Sun
Listening to: people here outside
Eating: my black ballpen

Well, I don't know what I am.
Or what I feel.
Therefore my mood is only described as Huh?!

Maybe I'm pissed.
Maybe I'm sad.
Maybe I'm still disgusted and now pissed.
Maybe I'm just a dumb dweeb.
But I can't help it.

I uploaded the new post to my blog and almost immediatley afterwards found out that Jim read it. Uh-oh, I thought, he'll sure want to talk about it after discussing the case. I wanted to wait until evening to tell him. Yeah, I know it was dumb then to publish it on my blog...No need to tell me.

I had a look at Jim's blog and spotted his new post. A photography of our new colleague Samuel Danby. First I just commented Yes, he's nice and thought of the bottle of Oban he handed me this morning. Then I had a second look and saw that Jim took this photo during his lunchbreak.
Well...I asked him if we had lunch together again today and he just told me he was 'busy'....So I went to the Chinese snack bar down the road with Foreman and had to pay for myself.
I'm not complaining about paying for myself!
I'm complaining about...well...I...
He said he was busy and seemed to have had a laid-back lunchbreak with Danby.
Thoughts were racing through my head and I felt...mulish.

So I phoned Jim and only barked "No need to come here, I'll figure that out alone!" into the phone, grabbed my coat, my bag, the file, the results and the laptop and went outside.
Now I'm at Community Park, Scotts Corner Road, watching passers-by and people walking their dogs, thinking about the case.
It seems to be Polycystic kidney disease - a progressive, genetic disorder of the kidneys.
Autosomal dominant PKD to be precise. This is the most common inherited form. Symptoms usually develop between the ages of 30 and 40 - my patient is 38, this fits. He has pain in the back and the sides (between the ribs and hips), and headaches.
Now I should ask one of the ducklings to strengthen my diagnosis by a family history of autosomal dominant PKD. We already know that there are cysts in other organs, but he'll get a CT scan as well.
If there's no family history, so what. In the absence of a family history of ADPKD, the presence of bilateral renal enlargement and cysts, with or without the presence of hepatic cysts, and the absence of other manifestations suggestive of a different renal cystic disease provide presumptive, but not definite, evidence for the diagnosis.

I think I'll phone them with my mobile and instruct them what to do.
I don't feel like going back to hospital now.

Strange way to apologize

Mood: sick and pissed and nononono
Weather: partly cloudy, 54°F
Listening to: Sick and tired - The Cardigans
Eating: Tiramisu (and no, I didn't steal it! It's mine!)
Drinking: black coffee with sweetener (sugar's out)

Strange, Monday was okay. Normally the week starts rotten, but it was really okay and Jim and me laughed our asses off because of Chase.
Foreman wasn't in the mood for laughing and I had to comfort him after we overheard the conversation between Chase and Jim.
It was a genuine stroke of genius when Jim decided to put depilatory cream into Chase's shower gel. Who thought he could be that mean? I'm still giggling when I think of it. I hope I don't have a bad influence on him...
Bloody hell! is still ringing in my ears and makes me laugh everytime I think of it. Isn't he sweet? He adamantly defends me.
Well, I'd do the very same.

I got a new case today - the guy is 38 and suffers from recurring urinary tract infections, hematuria (maybe due to the infections) and high blood pressure.
I already got something on my mind, but we'll have to check some other things before testing gets started. I want to know if he has aneurysms in his brain, somewhat abnormal heart valves and maybe diverticulosis. Would make things much easier.
Foreman and Cameron are checking this right now and I have not the slightest clue what Chase is doing.

He tried to offer an excuse to me yesterday, but failed to do so. Today he first avoided me and when I saw him I couldn't fight down the giggle which wanted to escape my mouth - it was too funny to think of the shower he had yesterday evening.

I was having a coffee and reading the file I mentioned above, when there was a hesitant knock at my door. I had the blends closed, so I didn't know who was outside - but of course I had a clue. Trying to put on an earnest expression I said "Come in!"
Chase entered my office and approached my desk. I didn't look up and pretended to be absorbed in the file.
I looked up. "Hm?"
He clenched his hands and looked out of my window. ""
I sighed impatiently. "You what?"
Chase put his right hand in his neck and watched the ceiling. "I wanted to apologize..."
"Interesting...I thought you totally forgot about what you told me..."
He stepped behind me, opened the window and took a deep breath of cold November air.
I didn't turn to him and kept at reading the file.
After a while I heard that he closed the window again. He was still behind me and began to speak.
"Look...I....I didn't know what I said. I just wanted to annoy you..."
"Well done", I replied dryly and didn't want him to get off lightly.
He sighed and I wished he'd walk around the desk again. But he stood there and didn't seem to move.
I turned over another side and marked a few words when he suddenly began to amass my shoulders.
I grinned. "Well....if that's your apology I'll surely find some more misdeeds you have to make up for..." The truth was I felt quite uncomfortable, but thought that was silly.
"I'm really sorry", he continued. "I don't know how to make up for this..."
I pointed at my shoulderblade with my thumb. "Try it there."
So he carried on with kneading my shoulders and his thumbs pressed my shoulderblades.
I continued reading the file and sipped my coffee.
First I didn't notice the slight change and felt safe asking him for a Reuben sandwich. "Mhmmmm", he said, "of course. But afterwards."
I nodded. "Just go on..."
Then I noticed what had changed. This was no massage anymore. Sure enough he was caressing my shoulders and my neck.
"Okay!", I said. "The show is over. Stop this now."
His fingers ran through my hair. "I'm just trying to make up for the things I said."
I shook my head to get rid of his fingers there. "Strange way...The catch is that this is almost the same. Why don't you just go and look for Foreman or Cameron?"
He bent down and embraced me from behind. I stiffened and was unable to move as he drew me closer to his chest.
"Maybe I lied to Dr. Wilson", he whispered into my ear.
"Maybe you're a scumbag!", I replied and tried to get rid of his arms, but he only held me closer.
I raised hackles with disbelief and disgust as he kissed my neck and just hissed "Stop it!!!"
"I can't", he told me still close to my ear. "This smell is way too good..."
I closed my eyes and swallowed. This was mean. If he was pissed because of his shower gel he just could shout and yell, but not this.
"Maybe I meant every word I said...Maybe I still want these things...And maybe I locked the door 'cause I immediately want to start with some of these things..."
This was too much. It reminded me of Allenby and I just wanted to get out of here. I hit him with all my might with my elbow in his ribs or chest, I don't know.
He coughed and I quickly turned and escaped out of my window.

I climbed over the small wall and now was on Jim's balcony. Unfortunately he was not in his office, but his balcony door was open. I stepped inside and dropped to the sofa. There I took a few deep breaths, shortly hugged a cushion 'cause it smelled a bit of him and then went to the laboratory.
Foreman and Cameron were just finished with their tests and I wordlessly grabbed their results and hobbled away.
They both just shook their heads and shrugged.

When I came back, James was in his office and I asked him to talk the results over. He promised to be with me in a quarter of an hour and wanted to bring Danby with him.

Well, my office wasn't locked anymore and Chase was gone. So I tried to sit down in my leatherchair as calm as I could and looked over the results. Jim and Danby will be here in five minutes.

Some more photos

Elleth wanted to see more - so here we go.

Here's James with his Wait a minute - WHAT did he say to you???!!!-expression:

James at work:

Still at work:

Jimmy and me at the cafeteria:

Having a small break looking at some blogs. Chase seems to be up to smash my head...


Sun bursting through:

Me lurking at the corner trying to sneak out...

Chase's second try to apologize:

This is getting personal now

How embarassing...
This photo must be...about...erm...three years old...

Don't ask me what I do there.
I have no clue.

Monday, November 27, 2006

A few photos...and one animation...

Hehe...A few photos. Some of them brandnew.

Jimmy outside PPTH:

Jimmy and me at my Hondaaaa:

This is his Oh please don't let him do it!-look

Is that a camera you have there?

Waiting with Foreman to sneak off to the balcony. This morning, approximately 10 minutes to 10am...

Comforting Foreman after we overheard the...interview:

Chase is trying to apologize:

James catched me working - really!

Now I noticed him:

Best thing ever! I laughed my ass off! Jimmy grabbed my ass in the elevator and afterwards noticed Cuddy was behind us. Thank God there are cameras in some of the elevators, huh? I just had to make that little animation...

This one's for you, Jimmy!

This can't be true

...are we hunted by camera-swaying zombies?
I spotted this at Ery's LiveJournal:

I really did this! And I did this long before I told Jim or even's so silly! And someone took a photograph of me doing it! Oh Gawd!
Now I tend to believe Foreman's story of that other photograph...I'm sure it's not just a rumor... Oh Goodness, I hope it never ever turns up here!

Lexapro isn't much good as a sweetener

Mood: innocent
Weather: foggy, about 50°F
Listening to: Cuddy - or pretending to
Eating: nuthin, but I'll see if anyone has breakfast here
Drinking: coffee, black and sweet and hot - yummy

PPTH has us back.
Isn't it amazing how time flies when you're having fun, enjoying something very much and so?
I'm sure this rotten week will pass at a snail's pace.

But maybe it's not that rotten. I'm looking forward to 10 am and Chase's appointment with Jim. Well, he knows by now I wanted to lurk at the balcony and listen, but Jim told me he first shows Chase the empty balcony.
Afterwards I just have to sneak off to the balcony - and I think Foreman will accompany me. He's still pissy about what Chase told me I think.
Well,I hope Chase will get a nasty surprise...I'm still shuddering when I think of what he told me.
Hmmm...maybe I should tell you a bit about that...incident. So you might understand why Jimmy has the appointment with Down Under Hairwonder.

It was after his fourth or fifth Mojito at Hemingway's when we were (or should I say I was?) waiting for Foreman to arrive.
I wrote he told me I was 'fetching', didn't I? Well, that wasn't all he told me.
We both have a preference for crappy horror-movies and so he began totally harmless.
"I wish you'd drop by at my place so we could watch Children Shouldn't Play with Dead Things, I Walked with a Zombie or Night of the Living Dead - the 1968-version...."
I snickered. "Hm...sounds good...Watching crappy B-Movies and eating Chinese takeout..."
At that time I still was surprised you actually can have fun being out with Chase.
He nodded. "We'd sit on my sofa and I could start doing things with you..."
I stopped sipping my Mojito. "Eh? Things?"
He turned to me and his grin became a quite obvious leer. "U-huuu! THINGS!"
He was twitting me...I hoped. His face came close to mine and he looked straight into my eyes. "Whoooooohoooo...those eyes...I'd like to make their vision blurr!"
I flinched. "Too much Vicodin might have that effect...."
Chase ran his fingers through his hair and licked his lips - that made me feel more than uncomfortable. Maybe he really was just kidding and tried to alienate me, I thought and tried a grin.
He leaned forward and whispered into my ear. "I'd push you back in the cushions and kiss you 'till you nearly suffocate...And then I'd tear off your shirt letting the buttons fly away in any direction and then mob you."
This made me feel sick and I wanted to turn away, but he grabbed my collar and took my cane.
"No...don't shy away...." And he continued. I really can't repeat everything he told me. It still makes me feel sick and blush. Let me only tell you so much that it included 'taking me on the table', 'putting me on his hips and f*** me through the walls' and..erm...'f*** my brain out'. And that was the more harmless stuff!
Gawd, it was awful. Indescribably alarming.
Finally I managed to grab my cane and break away. I limped as fast as I could to the restrooms and locked me there for a while trying to think properly. Was that true? Did that happen? Where was my sarcasm when I really needed it? I think I was really...crying a bit, so don't laugh. I was really appalled and shaken to the core. When I came back, Chase was sipping his Mojito as if nothing ever happened and beamed at me. "Ah, shere you ah again!"
"And guess who's over there?" I said with relief.
He looked over his shoulder and grinned broadly. "Fohmahn..."
I waved and yelled over the crowd. "Fooooremaaaaaaan!"
This was my chance to escape and that was exactly what I did.
It took quite a long time until I was able to tell Jim about this. And I just told him because I was forced to tell him - he thought I'd hide something.
Of course I hid this! Buah! Can you imagine just how embarassing this is?

Embarassing was what I did yesterday. But I'm not really responsible for this...
We've been lazy and spent half of Sunday in bed, the other half on the sofa - snuggling, cuddling, kissing, hugging, watching each other. was soooo wonderful.
I think about buying a cottage there 'cause I like the thought James told me at te beach he loves me. was spoilt by that daft thunder, but so what. He told me, that's what counts. Well, we'll see.
It was raining cats and dogs but suddenly I felt like having a stroll.
I stood up and fetched my coat. "I think I'll have a stroll..."
James looked up. "Now?!"
I nodded. "Mhm...I just fancy that now."
He hesitated. "May I join you?" he finally asked.
"That's exactly what I wanted to hear", I replied with a broad grin.
So he took his coat and I opened the door. "Ukk...look at that rain!"
Jim put his arm around my shoulder and suggested we could just head back to the living room and curl up on the sofa. But I really wanted to take a walk, so we stepped out in the rain.
Blame it on an overdose of love and happiness, but I felt like a child, leaned back my head, closed my eyes and opened my mouth to let it rain inside.
Suddenly I felt two arms around me pulling me close. "Oh my God, Greg...I could take you right now!", James whispered into my ear. (And I hope the mention of this satisfies those who wrote in their e-mails they wanted more sex here...)
I blushed. "Now? Here? In the middle of the street?"
James grinned. " Maybe at the beach..."
I grinned back and shrugged. So we walked on and I took his hand. It felt so good. I still can't believe what has happened since I told him. Since I was forced to tell him...And I'm glad he forced me. Otherwise I'd still take Lexapro, I think, and go mad.
James put our hands in his coat pocket - it was rather cold - and we proceeded to the beach. It was raining heavily and we were the only strollers there. The thought of hot chocolate with whipped cream and rum came to my mind, but the café was closed. Due to the rotten weather, I suppose.
We strolled along the beach and reached 'Jim's log'. There we stopped and watched the sea. Jim was circling around himself in the rain and suddenly covered us both with his coat.
"I love you so much", he whispered and kissed me tenderly. I returned the kiss and felt my heart pounding - and beginning to race when he opened my belt and my trousers. He let his hand slip in and caressed me kissing my neck.
A moan escaped my mouth and he drew me closer. "Shall I stop?" he asked and I shook my head furiously. "Nonononononononono!"
I couldn't help laying down in the sand and pulling him with me.
"Please..." I managed to pant.
He looked around. "Impossible...what if someone approaches? This could cause us jail..."
I wasn't able to form coherent and reasonable thoughts, so I just repeated "Pleeeeeze!"
He shook his head and closed my trousers again. "Not here...don't be silly...Let's go back home."
"How long will this take?", I asked him while he helped me up.
"HURRY!", I exclaimed and began to hobble in our cottage's direction. Five minutes? That was close to an eon - I really couldn't wait anymore. God, I was addicted! I must be mad, I thought. It's raining, you're outside and you want him now? Here? At once?
I stopped. James stopped, too, and watched me puzzled.
"Pleeeeeeeeeeeze!", I whined and he dragged me to some bushes.
He softly pushed me down in the sands and covered us with his coat. And yes, I got what I wanted.
Afterwards my leg hurt like hell, but I was contented and up in heaven. On our way back I fumbled in my coat pocket for my Vicodin and found a glass of pills. So I took two of them and wondered why they didn't take away the pain. I felt funny and began to giggle.

"What's the matter with you?", Jim asked and gave me a sideglance.
I shrugged. "Dunno...the leg still hurts severely but everything's so funny!" Again I snickered and James grabbed the pills out of my pocket.
"This is no's Lexapro...", he said with a frown.
"Ooooops!", I snickered. "I thought I handed them back to Foreman..."
He opened the door. "I'll take them..."
I managed to get out of my coat and went to search my Vicodin. Finally I found some pills on the commode (and really didn't know it was again the Lexapro) and took three of them.
"She pain shtill doeshnt go away..." I mumbled and made my way to the bathroom, laughing my ass off. I was already showering for about two or three minutes when I noticed I still wore my clothes. With a mad snicker I took them off and threw them in the bathtub.
I showered with loads of cedarwood showergel and wrapped into my bathrobe afterwards. James stepped into the bathroom and looked at the bathtub. "Aw, Greg!" I giggled again and he took care of my clothes shaking his head. "You're totally stoned!"
"Itsh nod my fauwlt...", I griped and proposed to prepare hot chocolate. Jim turned to me and smiled. "Great idea!"
So I made hot chocolate, whipped cream and poured rum into it. It smelled gorgeous and as I know Jim has a sweet tooth, I put sweetener in his mug.
Well, I thought it was sweetener...But it again was Lexapro...I'm so sorry!

"Hmmmm...this looks and smells good!", Jimmy said as he sat down next to me. "Almost as good as you", he added with a warm smile. I put my head on his shoulder and sipped my chocolate. He took his mug, took a sip and frowned. "Is it sweetened?"
I nodded. " ish..."
"Hmmm...doesn't taste so..."
I grabbed another pill and with a light glonk! it slipped through the whipped cream into his chocolate.
He took another sip. "Shtrange...shtill doeshn't tashte shweet..."
Then he looked at me and leered. "But you look shweet!"
He downed his hot chocolate and pushed me into the pillows.
We had a very pleasant and a very odd evening. Both high on Lexapro, giggling, snorting and laughing our asses off. My leg of course still hurt like hell, but I was too absorbed in James and laughing to care much about it.

Friday, November 24, 2006


We spent a wonderful day! Just us!
The rest of the family explored Point Pleasant and its surroundings so we could do everything we wanted to.
And be sure we did.

This evening we were invited to dinner at the seafood restaurant I embarassed James a few weeks ago. Rachel was feeling generous and told us they'd pay for Jim and me.

We were greeted by a grinning waitress who recognized us (of course James immediately blushed...) and were guided to a big round table.
My father chose a very good red wine and the babbling started once again.
The gears in my head moved and moved and moved and James just had to look at me and knew I was thinking of how to tell them.
He secretly squeezed my knee and we grinned at each other. "Are you waiting for the right moment?" he whispered to me.
I nodded slightly. "Mhm...I know you're a coward, so I'll have to be the one, right?"
He slapped my back and Rachel pointed at us with a broad grin. "Is that a pre-marital quarrel?" She winked and James tried to grin, too.
"Ah...erm...just some silly banter..."
My mom smiled at us and Rachel forgot about that 'pre-marital' thing because Sean was complaining about the menu. "They have no burgers here", he griped and she tried to explain the secrets of fine food to him.
"Menace!", James hissed into my ear.
"Teeeaaaaase", I hissed back and we both giggled which earned us a fond smile of Ruth.

After the main course the conversation turned to our marriage and James began to shift uncomfortably in his chair. Everyone was excited and Ruth asked if we already met Sam at Boston.
"Um...yeeees...we met him this Tuesday..."
Ruth revealed that she hoped we'd consider a ceremony held by him after the civil registry marriage and asked me what I'd think about it.
"Would that be a problem for you, Greg?"
I pondered. "Erm...I...."
James took my hand and smiled at me and it was easy for me to decide.
"That's fairly easy", I smiled at Ruth. "I remember some words which hit the mark."
Then I turned to Jim and bemed at him. "Remember? Where you go I will go, and where you stay I will stay. Your people will be my people, and your God will be my God.
And where you die, I will die and there I will be buried. May the Lord do with me and more if anything but death parts you from me."
The whole family stared at me and Jim blinked back a few tears.
"So...if James wants to - why not? His God will be my God...", I smiled.

My father broke the silence and asked when they were supposed to be at the city hall that day in December.
I swallowed and felt James' eyes on me.
" don't have to show up there...", I began.
"Greg! You're impossible! Of course we will be there", my mom exclaimed. "We want to attend your marrage, you know?"
Now it was my turn to shift uncomfortably and James squeezed my hand.
I bit my lower lip and looked into seven expectant faces. I took a deep breath.
"But we are already married..."

Family ties

Mood: Heeeeeeeeeelp!!!
Weather: clear, 55°F
Eating: Toast
Drinking: Coffee

Pleeeeze help us!
They're still here!
They'll stay for another night!

Why are we always disturbed when we want to enjoy some days all on our own? Just we two. Just us. Honey-bunny and me. No one else.
Just remember Canada. It seemed to be a real vision. And? What happened?
Allenby was on his way, Cameron joined us and afterwards Chase and Foreman blew in. So much to that.
Of course I know they all came there to help me/us. But that doesn't make it better, hm?

And now this. It's a small honeymoon, but no one seems to care.
Oh, wait a minute. There might be a reason for it...
We didn't tell them so far.
Neither I nor Jim had the guts.
God, we really should do that soon. We could pretend we just waited for the right moment. And due to all that babbling yesterday evening we...simply forgot.

Yesterday evening poor Jimmy worked his ass off preparing the dinner. And I simply fell asleep on the armchair. I'm so sorry, hun. Next time please wake me up.
When I awoke everything was prepared and the turkey started to smell sweet.
"Uh?", I said and looked around. My neck was slightly uptight and I rubbed it.
James smiled at me. "Had a good night's rest?"
I blinked and it came to my mind that he prepared everything all alone.
"Aaw, hun...why didn't you wake me up?"
He stooped over me and kissed me tenderly. "You just looked too cute. At first I thought you'd pretend to get around cooking. But you breathed so steadily and didn't notice I took pictures of you. You were fast asleep."
I sat up. "You took pictures of me?"
A broad grin appeared on his face. "I did. And they're sooooo cute! You'll have to show them in your journal."
"I won't show them."
"Oh, you will", he grinned. "Because I want it. Just a small, small punishment..."
"Mnm", I just launched out and James kneaded my neck.
"Hmmmm.....this is good...", I sighed.
"There are two hours left before they'll arrive here", James whispered into my ear and then pulled me out of the armchair.

So...we had some snuggling in bed and I was totally contented and almost forgot about the fact our parents would soon arrive here.
After one and a half hour of snuggling and cuddling we both decided it was time to shower and dress up. James even tied...this is inescapable when he thinks of dressing up. I just chose a dark brown suit and my pink shirt. I hate ties when it's me who has to wear them. But with James they're incredibly sexy and it's fun and adorable to pull him closer with them.
"Hun?", he addressed me.
"Hm?" I looked up from buttoning up my shirt.
"It's Thanksgiving..."
I looked at him puzzled. "I know?"
He pointed at my shoes. "You know? Then quickly forget about these sneakers!"
I grinned. "Please?"
He smiled. "Please."
With a sigh I shrugged and rummaged my suitcase for dark brown leather shoes. Unfortunately I finally found them. Jim must have put them into the baggage.

"You look fabulous", James said and brushed a few nonexistent crumbs from my collar. I embraced him and held him close. "It's you who looks fabulous", I whispered into his ear and wanted to kiss him. But he put his finger on my mouth and shook his head.
"I know where this leads to...They'll be here in a few minutes."
"But...I just wanted to kiss you...", I griped.
His smile made my legs turn to jelly. "But I'd want more", he whispered and went into the living room.
I took a deep breath, shook my head, grinned and finally followed him.
"What about a sherry?", I asked him.
He nodded. "I hope I can bear this sober..."
I poured the sherry and looked out of the window. A Chevrolet Van came down the street and I froze.
"Jim? Is that your sister?"
He furrowed his brow and joined me at the window. His jaw dropped for a few seconds.
"Uhuuu....and Simon....and Sean...."
I stared outside. "This can't be true. I hope they didn't take Captain Ahab with them..."
James sighed. "I bet it was Mom's idea..."
The Van was followed by another car - our parents.
They all approached the door - Rachel was carrying something which looked like a giant cake and everyone else seemed to have some food, too - and I sighed deeply.
"Lasciate ogni speranza voi che entrate...", I turned to Jim and we opened the door before they could use the door bell.

I could not seperate the was one big "Greeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeg, Jimmyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy, Hunnyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy, Dearyyyyyyyyyy"...
At once we were hugged by our mothers and mothers-in-law, patted on the shoulder by our (step)fathers and fathers-in-law, hugged by Rachel and Sean and nodded at by Simon. Rachel almost dropped the cake when she hugged Jim and me at the same time in one big embrace.
My Mom fumbled at my collar and smiled at me. "Greg, you look good. Engagement suits you. Doesn't it, John? Just look at him!"
My father just nodded and walked into the living room. "Nice cottage..."
It would be if we were alone...
It took quite a long time until all the hugging and patting ended and finally everyone sat down at the table.

Dinner was marvellous, Jim's an extraordinary cook. Most of the time I sat there quietly just following the conversation, only speaking if I was asked something.
Ruth found the idea of celebrating Thanksgiving at Point Pleasant simply "enchanting" and there was so much babbling we really forgot to tell them.
Following some odd traditions, after dinner our moms and Rachel did the dishes while Jim, Nathan, Dad, Butthead (i.e. Simon) and me smoked a cigar and downed several sherry.
Butthead talked about how happy Rachel was when she got the news about us after 'soooooo many years' and grinned into his glass. Suddenly my father took my arm and we both went outside the door. I was surprised but just looked into the sky and watched the stars. Dad looked at his cigar and began to speak.
"You always seemed so know?"
I shrugged.
"I'm glad this has changed. And I'm glad to see how happy he makes you."
He patted my shoulder and I looked at him in surprise.
"I'm not good at this, Greg. But I want to tell you that I love you and I'm proud of you."
I stared at him. "You..."
He nodded and kicked away a small stone. "I know it took me 47 years to tell you that. Better late than never! Huh?"
I couldn't help grinning and nodded. After a while we both laughed and shook our heads. Two pigheaded idiots...
He grinned and pointed behind him. "And your sweetie is great! I couldn't think of anyone better for you. I always liked him really much and now that I see you belong together, I love him, too."
I was speechless and just nodded.
"Let's not get too sentimental, hm?" Dad said. "Could do with a beer now."

We went inside again and I nestled on the sofa at Jim's side.
It felt so good being at his side, having his arm around my shoulder, holding his hand amidst our families. Amidst our family.

Thursday, November 23, 2006

My revenge...

Revenge is sweet!
Hun, this is the retribution for your misdeed.
If I have to show all the world how I look having a nap...I'll show this as well.
Do you remember that small black book, your jorunal?
I found it once again.
And this was written by you somewhen in October:

I was standing on the balcony of my office and enjoyed the warm October sun while having my salad for lunch. My thoughts wandered to what happened during the last few days, all the kissing, the relief I felt when those words finally slipped out – I love you.

Sometimes I still can’t believe it all, but if I am dreaming it is a very very pleasant and long-lasting dream …two weeks now. It might not sound that long but as we both know each other by heart, it really is. It feels more than only two weeks, it feels like years, a decade or even longer.

My thinking was suddenly interrupted when Gregory stepped out on the adjacent balcony. “Aw, here you are!” he said and smiled at me. “I was looking for you, but couldn’t find you”, I replied and returned a warm smile.

“Clinic hours” he grunted and got over the little wall. He leaned for a second on his cane, then drew out his Vicodin bottle, popped one pill and dry-swallowed it. I raised an eyebrow “You could have also taken the longer way. Would have been better for your leg, you know?!” and I pointed on his leg.

“I could, but I don’t have time …”, “Why?” I asked him. Gregory made two steps towards me and I could feel his breath on my skin. A warm shiver ran down my spine and my stomach made several loops. “Because of that…” he whispered, put his arm around my neck, drew me closer and slightly brushed his tongue over my lips. I couldn’t avoid a deep sigh and opened my lips a bit.

His tongue parted my lips and I could feel the heat rising and returned his passionate kiss feverishly. My hands wandered to his hair, he pressed his body to mine and our bodies spoke the language everyone knows.

“Gaawd, James I want you” he murmured and pinned me against the wall. My body was aching of lust and desire and my mouth wandered to his ear, my tongue slipped over his earlobe and I whispered hoarsely “Not here, let us go inside”.

Without a word he went inside, limped to the door shut it and approached again. I’ve already closed the curtains and was about turning around when he embraced me from behind. A gasp slipped out of my mouth when he bit my neck with relish. He got rid off my coat and pulled my shirt out of my trousers, one hand slipped under my shirt and touched my skin. When he touched me it felt like fire and ice at the same time, I could hear my own panting when he opened my belt and softly pushed me forward.

My hands got hold at my desk and a silent scream of lust slipped out of me when our two bodies became one. Passion, love and lust ruled for the next minutes, hours, decades, eons – I really don’t know. Desire washed away thoughts, lust erased reality and our world exploded.

When I came back to earth again, I noticed Greg leaning on my shoulder and panting in my ear. My knees were like jelly and my breath was unsteady, I managed to turn my head and placed a tender kiss on his cheek “I love you, Greg”, I whispered. His embrace became closer “I love you, Jimmy”, he answered with a low voice.

He turned me around and kissed me gently, my hands caressed his hair and we both calmed down after a while.
“Do you know by now why I couldn’t take the long way?” he asked smilingly. I gave him a nudge and grinned “Yes I do”. Gregory replied that grin and we both rearranged our clothes.

“That’s what I call a satisfying lunch break”, Greg said and we both started to laugh.

HOT, hm?
I still have that photograph someone secretly took and mailed to me:

I know we are somehow both...embarrassed by this and I desperately hope you're not cross with me, darling.

Lullaby reloaded

Hmpf...I think I wasn't nice enough...
He wanted me to show the other picture - the openmouthed here!
Please pretend you didn't see it, okay?
Gosh...I almost think I can hear Foeman, Chase and Cameron laughing...